


Accidents Happen

by altessah



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Banter, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-05 04:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3105794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altessah/pseuds/altessah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been two years since The Accident, and Nico knows that it's time for him to move on. Homeschooling isn't working out (his father can't teach to save his life), and he hasn't had an anxiety attack since the beginning of the summer. But rejoining the other kids his age would involve seeing Percy every day, which is something that Nico isn't sure he can handle; mixed emotions about his old friend still churn inside him, a constantly changing swirl of extremes.</p>
<p>But when he meets Will Solace, Nico decides that the perils of high school might just prove bearable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back in the Game

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is the first long fanfic I've written in ages, but I'm super excited to get started! I hope you guys like chapter one :)

Nico didn’t touch the crumpled piece of paper in his pocket until he was an hour into English class and bored out of his mind.

It wasn’t like he needed to pay attention. They were just reading through the syllabus: a stapled collection of five pages outlining the books that Nico would never read and the long term assignments he would undoubtedly fail. In truth, after hearing about grading scales and binder tab labels for five and a half hours, the paper in his pocket was the only spark of hope that Nico had for the remainder of his freshman year.

He set it in front of him on the desk and carefully unfolded it, reading the number it displayed even though he’d already committed it to memory.

_GUITARIST NEEDED_

The flyer’s bold block print had pulled Nico’s eyes more strongly than any other page on the bulletin board.

CALL WILL TO JOIN THE PUNKEST PUNK ROCK BAND IN THE AREA

The background of the flyer was supposed to look like outer space, and WILL had photoshopped little guitars onto the purple nebulas. This looked cool from far away, but as Nico stepped closer, he noticed that the guitars were outlined with white trim, indicating that WILL was not the best photo-editor in the world.

Nevertheless, Nico had assumed that he was probably a decent musician if he did indeed belong to THE PUNKEST PUNK ROCK BAND IN THE AREA, so he tore one of the tabs from the bottom of the flyer and pocketed it, figuring his guitar skills were decent enough.

As the teacher droned on about behavior expectationsand remediation policies, Nico found himself wishing that he could’ve been homeschooled for more than two years. He knew well that his dad was quite possibly the worst teacher on the planet, but he couldn’t help but feel out of place on the plastic blue chair behind the wobbly-legged desk inside the most overcrowded public high school in the county. He had been more or less out of the loop since The Accident, and he wasn’t caught up with the rest of his generation, to the point where every mention of a social media site or celebrity might as well have been spoken in another language. With each blare of the bell, he’d felt increasingly suffocated by the fast paced current of the school, overwhelmed before the year had really even began. Percy didn’t help.

“Hey, Nico!”

The bell had rung and Nico had filed out of the classroom, following the flow of students, hoping they’d lead him to the front of the school. Percy was waving wildly from his locker, surrounded by a few friends. Annabeth was one of them, and she shot Nico a sympathetic glance, understanding much better than Percy that Nico didn’t want the attention.

He walked over nonetheless, not as much hurt but amused when Percy’s other friends said quick goodbyes and hurried away, barely acknowledging him. Nico slipped the paper with WILL’s number into his pocket before greeting Percy and Annabeth.

“How was your first day back?” Annabeth asked, eyeing him tentatively. She always looked at him like that; like she was his mother.

“Fine,” Nico answered blandly.

“Any fun classes?”

“Not really.”

Annabeth smirked.

“Are you ready to head home?” Percy asked him.

“Yeah.”

Percy planted a quick kiss on Annabeth’s forehead before shutting his locker and starting toward the front doors, his hands stuffed in the pockets of jeans.

“Alright. How was your first day, _really_?”

 Nico hated when he did that – pretended like they had some special bond that required him to share all of his thoughts. “Fine, like I said.”

“Come on,” Percy insisted. “Give me more than that.”

Nico shrugged. “It’s school, Percy. It’s the same as always.” He climbed up into Percy’s green Jeep, dropping his syllabus-filled backpack at his feet.

“Naw, it’s not. You were homeschooled for two years. I’m sure this is different.”

“I guess it’s a little more boring.”

Percy frowned. “That’s not what I meant.”

He maneuvered through the parking lot in his usual jerky manner, occasionally waving to kids. He was a senior at the high school and was pretty respected, even by the kids in his own grade. He had the reputation of being a goofy guy, which is why most people thought it was weird that he was dating someone as serious as Annabeth. But Nico saw their chemistry.

Percy swerved onto the main road and let out a slow breath before turning the radio down. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel.

“I just want to make sure you’re alright.” The words were tight and uncharacteristically serious.

“I’m fine.”

Percy let out a huff of breath. “You say that, but you walk through the halls like you’re trying to hide. You hunch your shoulders, you drag your feet – I’ve seen you.”

“That’s just how I walk.”

“You didn’t walk like that before.” Percy met his eyes for a brief moment but quickly looked away. Nico knew what he was trying to ask, but he didn’t want to answer. After all, they’d only had one serious discussion since The Accident.

Percy had shown up at the house a few days after the funeral with blue flowers and a timid expression. He’d asked to talk to Nico.

“What do you want?”

The words had come out harsh, but Nico had been in the beginning of his not-caring stage, so he didn’t apologize.

Percy had said, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Yeah, I know. What do you want?”

Percy had licked his lips, probably practicing the words before he said them. “I know that you don’t want an apology from me. And I know that if I were in your place, I wouldn’t want one either. I just… I just want you to know that I’ve always considered you a good friend, and I want to be here for you right now... As your friend.”

Nico had stared at him, watching the way that he shifted from foot to foot and drummed his fingers on his leg. He could see the sincerity in Percy’s eyes, and it physically hurt him. Percy’s guilt hurt _him_.

“And you understand why I don’t think that I can do that.”

Percy’s eyes had fallen and he’d nodded solemnly. “Yeah. I just had to ask.”

He’d turned to walk away, but had stopped, looking back up at Nico. His last words were what stuck with Nico the strongest. “If you ever change your mind, give me a call, okay?”

Nico hadn’t said anything, but he’d met Percy’s gaze for a moment and Percy understood.

It wasn’t until two years later that Nico finally dialed Percy’s number, greeting a surprised Sally before asking to speak to her son. He told Percy that he was planning on going back to school in the Fall, and could use a ride to and from. Percy had agreed eagerly, asking if there was anything else he could do, but Nico declined, saying thanks and goodbye before Percy’s tone could turn serious.

Nico knew that he couldn’t avoid the conversation forever. But he had hoped that he would at least get adjusted to high school life before Percy brought it all back.

“I know what you want to know,” Nico sighed, leaning back and crossing his arms. “You want to know if I still blame you for The Accident, and the answer is yes. But what you really _should_ want to know is if I’m going to hold it over your head. That answer is no. I might not be able to forget, but I can forgive.”

Percy processed Nico’s words for a moment before speaking. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Percy pulled into Nico’s driveway, only running over a small section of the grass, before stopping the car with a jolt.

“You know, I didn’t drive for a year after she died.”

Nico looked at him. “The lack of practice has not done you well.”

And then he grabbed his backpack from the floor, swung open the rusty door, and hopped out, ignoring Percy’s chuckling from behind him as he entered in the garage code.

He never understood why his dad kept the house so cold. The air conditioning hit him in a blast as he stepped into his kitchen, slamming the door behind him. Shivering slightly, he dropped his bag onto the floor by his shoes and started upstairs, feeling for his phone in his pocket.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” His father’s voice came from the living room and Nico groaned.

“I have a call to make. We can talk later.”

The man snorted. “One day into high school and he’s already distant. Good gods, it’s like every sitcom I’ve seen.”

Nico peered into the living room where his dad sat on the couch, the newspaper in one hand and a coffee in the other. His back was to Nico.

“How was day one?” he asked, not looking up from the page, much less turning around.

“Fine.”

“Liar.”

Nico groaned. “Okay, it sucked. Is that better?”

“It’s honest. Honesty is important in this household.”

“You can hardly call it a household when there’s two of us.”

The man shrugged. “The house makes up for that, wouldn’t you say?”

It was true. The structure itself was gigantic – much larger than was necessary for its original four members, much less the remaining two. Nico started up the stairwell.

“I’ll be on the phone, don’t bother me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” his father mumbled.

Nico shuffled down the upstairs hallway, holding his breath when he passed her room, out of habit. It was a modified version of an old superstition involving the holding of breath while driving past a graveyard to keep the spirits from climbing into mouths and taking over bodies. Nico didn’t believe in any of that ridiculousness, but he held his breath every time he passed her room as a way of recognition. It was dumb, but it was better than pretending the room wasn’t there.

His own room was the last door in the hall, and wasn’t any warmer than the rest of the house, unfortunately. Like the house itself, it was much too big for someone as small as Nico, but the wideness of the room made it look a little less messy, which was nice.

Pulling an old sweatshirt over his head, Nico plopped down in the center of the bed, fishing the paper and his phone from his pocket. He entered the digits one at a time, checking them against the paper even though he knew they were right. Taking a deep breath, he pressed _CALL_.

The dial tone rang back at him more times than he could count, eventually cutting off with a click.

“ _Hey, it’s Will!”_

Nico swallowed. “Umm, hi. I saw your flyer—”

_“I’m not able to reach the phone, but please leave your name number and message at the beep. Or don’t. I really don’t care. Have a terrible day.”_

Nico blushed at his own idiocy, but then chuckled over Will’s message. It was stupid, but for some reason, Nico found it funny. He stopped laughing and suddenly realized that the phone had gone silent.

“Oh, shoot – is this recording?” He mentally cursed himself. “Umm, hi. I’m Nico. I saw your flyer – the one on the bulletin board – and I was just calling to say that I’m sort of good at the guitar, I guess.” He thought for a moment. “Actually, I’m not that good. But none of the other tabs were ripped off on the flyer, so I’m assuming you’re taking what you can get.” He laughed nervously. “Uhh, yeah. So, just give me a call back, I guess.”

Then, he hit the _END_ button quickly, and dropped his phone on the covers, trying to ignore the fact that his heart was sort of hammering and his fingers were kind of shaking. Social anxiety was a bitch.

The only homework he had was to write a letter in Italian describing himself to his ‘fluent speakers’ teacher, which he would do in the five minutes before class. Therefore, he spent the rest of the afternoon half-watching the food network, while checking his phone for a call or text from Will, approximately every three minutes. By the time dinner rolled around, he was more bored than he’d been in English class, and in a _very_ bad mood due to the prolonged silence of his ringer.

 _He probably thinks I’m a loser_ , Nico thought dejectedly as he trudged down the stairs, following the smell of lasagna. _And he’s probably right._

Meanwhile, his dad was in an unusually chipper mood as he set the table, whistling an off tune melody to himself and dancing a little.

“Cut it out,” Nico growled when his father ruffled his hair, plopping a steaming plate of lasagna in his hands.

“Aren’t you lucky you ended up with the parent that can cook?” his father supposed, sliding into his chair.

“That’s not funny.”

“It’s true though.” He put a bite of food into his mouth even though the lasagna was still scalding, and chewed it thoughtfully, eyeing his son across the table. “Why are you in such a rotten mood?”

“I’m back in school. Would you expect me to be in a good mood?”

“No,” his father replied. “But I would’ve thought you’d be happy to be taught by someone other than me. Or at least relieved to have reconciled with that friend of yours.”

“His name’s Percy, and considering he’s the reason your daughter is dead, you should at least know his name.”

“Whoa!” The man held up his hands, leaning back in his seat. “That’s quite an accusation.”

“You know it’s true,” Nico spat. “You just like to pretend you’re a better person than I am.”

He snorted. “When you’re in moods like this one I don’t have to pretend.” He reached for his glass and drained half of it in one gulp. Stifling a burp, he noted, “And I don’t blame Percy for Bianca’s death, just so you know.”

Nico took his first bite of lasagna, grimacing when in burnt his tongue.

“And you shouldn’t either.”

“Why’s that?”

The man shrugged. “He was – and still is – a teenaged boy, Nico. Teenaged boys make mistakes, as do teenaged girls and teenaged anythings. I certainly made mistakes at your age. You’re making mistakes as we speak – let your food cool off, you have nothing to prove.” He sighed. “I think that your freshman year would go a lot smoother if you accepted that what happened to your sister was not Percy’s fault.”

“Well then whose fault was it?” Nico’s tone was harsh but his father didn’t even blink.

“No one’s,” he answered. “ _God’s_ , if you believe in that sort of thing. Bianca’s life was lost to chance. Not to your attractive neighbor. Forgive him.”

Nico didn’t respond, but they both knew that the silence was his way of disagreeing. The food was getting cold now and tasted bland on Nico’s tongue.

His father broke the silence. “Why don’t you tell me about your all-important phone call, then?”

Nico furrowed his brow. “I was calling a kid from school because he said he needed a guitarist for his band.”

“And I take it your lousy expression is a result of him telling you to bugger off.”

“No,” Nico said. “He didn’t answer so I left a message. He hasn’t called back.”

“Oh!” His dad cried out in mock agony, bringing his hand dramatically to his forehead. “The boy has yet to call you back, therefore he hates you! Let’s jump to _all_ the conclusions!”

Nico felt his cheeks redden. “Shut up, would you?”

He just laughed in response. “Ahh, alright. Be patient, though – he’ll call.” He stood from the table abruptly, draining the last of his water glass in a flourish. “You guys are welcome to practice in our basement. The drum set has a layer of dust, but it should work fine once you clean it.”

“Okay.”

“Smile, would you? It’s much easier than you’d think.” He walked cheerfully out the room, whistling once more, while his hands swung at his sides.

As much as Nico wanted to believe that Will would call him back, he had a hard time remaining optimistic, especially since the lasagna was gone and the sun was down and it was nearing his bedtime. As he brushed his teeth, he couldn’t help but stare at his reflection in the mirror, noticing the shadows under his eyes and the awkwardness of his bones beneath his sleep shirt. He’d lost a lot of weight in the last two years, though not on purpose. For some reason, food had just lost a lot of its flavor and tended to sit in his stomach like a brick. He’d even thrown it up before on accident, but he hadn’t told his dad.

Things were undoubtedly better than before, but his confidence was lacking. As he examined his bony arm in the mirror, he couldn’t help but picture Percy’s bicep in comparison, toned from rowing on the crew team for the past three years. Perfect inside and out. Go figure.

Regardless of Percy’s supposed perfection, Nico didn’t agree with his father.

 _Percy_ had been driving that car. _Percy_ had offered Bianca a ride. _Percy_ had made that one left turn without yielding to the traffic and had received the full force of that truck in the center of that intersection.

Actually, that was a lie; Bianca had received the full force of that truck.

 _Percy_ had gotten lucky.

Nico had no way of proving his suspicions that Percy had been drinking, but that didn’t stop him from assuming. Percy was coming from that party – of course he had been drinking. He knew that he shouldn’t hold Percy’s actions over his head. Two years had passed, and Percy still felt guilty. He was a good guy. But Nico couldn’t help but notice that Percy had a new car, and the kids at school were treating him normally again, and Nico’s own _father_ was casually mentioning his daughter’s death as if it was stale news. Somehow the world had moved on, and Nico was stuck holding his breath and watching everyone forget that she had even lived to die.

He didn’t realize that his fingers were trembling until he saw them in the mirror. They were thin and bony, much like the rest of him, but they were considerably worse at hiding how sad he really was.


	2. A Rocky Start

Nico wasn’t used to waking up with an alarm.

It was loud and uncomfortably close to his ear. Not to mention the fact that it also sounded strikingly similar to the brash ring of the school bell that always made Nico jump. When he found the _off_ switch and eventually pulled himself out of bed, he found that the sun wasn’t even up outside, which was not something Nico saw often; his dad usually just let him sleep until around nine before he trudged down the hall and banged on his door. That nicety was another bullet point on the list of things Nico would miss about being homeschooled.

His mood barely even sunk when he checked his phone and found that it only displayed the time. He hadn’t expected a response.

He got ready for school pretty quickly and padded downstairs to find his father in the living room again with a coffee, but this time watching the television. The channel was tuned to an old soap called _Mama’s Boy, Daddy’s Nightmare_ which was the cheesiest show that had ever been on the air and also the only television his father ever watched. Nico scoffed at the screen from the bottom of the stairs.

“Well, are you going to stand there and judge me until Percy shows up, or are you going to say good morning?”

“Good morning,” Nico echoed dully before walking into the kitchen.

The breakfast cereal was almost stale which was annoying because it tasted bad but he couldn’t justify pouring it out. His dad’s inheritance had been humongous, but that didn’t stop the man from criticizing Nico for being wasteful. With the annoyance of indecision pestering him, Nico was almost grateful when he heard his father announce, “He’s here!” at the same time as a sharp honk of a horn. Nico grabbed a snack and his backpack before heading out the door. He paused only to shout goodbye to his father.

“You really shouldn’t honk this early in the morning. You might wake someone up.”

Percy shrugged. “Your yard is kinda huge. There’s not really anyone close enough.”

He backpedaled out of the driveway, narrowly missing two bushes and the mailbox before moving forward with a start.

“So, day two of the torture. You psyched?”

“Very.”

“I can tell by your face.” He snickered like that was funny and rolled down his window. “How’s your dad?”

Nico yawned. “Same as always.”

“Does he still have no filter?”

“None,” he answered honestly. “Sometimes he says things and I’m tempted to smack him.”

“I remember getting that exact same urge around him.”

Nico smiled slightly. It occurred to him that this was the first normal conversation they’d had that wasn’t completely one sided. He had a feeling it was because of what he’d admitted the day before. It was a relief to finally be on the same page.

“How’s Sally?” Nico asked after a moment.

“Pretty good,” Percy replied, sounding slightly startled. “She ended things with Gabe, which is a load off her back and mine. Things have been quieter. She’s been happier.”

“Your mom deserves it,” Nico said quietly.

He didn’t know much about Percy’s mom’s life, other than that it was not great. Percy’s dad had left before Percy was born and hadn’t visited, as far as Nico knew. The Jacksons had struggled a lot financially, especially when Percy’s stepdad moved in and blew all their money on poker games and Cheetos. He was glad to hear that Gabe was moving out. Sally deserved better.

Percy pulled into the school parking lot, and Nico felt a weight settle on his chest as he stared out at all of the kids talking and laughing with their friends as they strolled through the front doors or milled in the entryway. Nico didn’t really have any friends other than Percy yet, and he felt lonely as he looked out his window.

Percy parked the Jeep and for a few moments, they walked together towards the school. Before they even reached the front doors, however, Percy got snatched away by some giggly sophomores. He barely got out a goodbye before he was dragged off to lord-knows-where.

Nico decided to just walk around the school until the bell rang. That way he looked like he had somewhere to be. It wasn’t great, but it was better than sitting alone on a bench somewhere. He grasped the straps of his backpack and took a slow breath before turning down a hallway. He’d barely made it two paces when he heard his name.

“Nico!”

Percy must’ve broken away from the sophomores. Not wanting to talk, Nico kept walking and pretended he hadn’t heard him.

“Nico, wait!”

With it having become impossible to ignore him, Nico stopped short and turned around, surprised to find, not Percy, but a random blond guy whom he’d never seen.

“Uhh, yeah?”

The boy jogged over, grinning widely, revealing straight, white teeth. “I knew that was you! What’s up, man?” He grabbed Nico’s hand and did the bro-hug thing that Nico had never mastered. “I’m Will.”

The boy came into focus in front of him, and Nico finally put a face to the name. “Oh, hey.”

“I got your message,” Will said with energy, “But my phone’s a piece of junk and doesn’t give me the numbers of the people who call.” He held up a flip phone and stared at it disgustedly before slipping it back into his pocket. “And you didn’t leave your number, so…”

“Oh, right. My bad.” Part of him was embarrassed that he’d forgotten, and part of him was relieved that Will hadn’t been ignoring him.

“No worries,” Will continued. “We’d love to have you as a guitarist. Our old one moved to Canada.”

Nico blinked. “That’s… too bad.”

“Yeah.” Will nodded solemnly. “He wasn’t very good, though.”

“Well, don’t expect me to be any better.”

Will laughed, but Nico had been serious.

“Are you a freshman?” Will wondered.

“Yeah.”

“ _Saaame_ ,” he drawled. “Travis – our drummer – is a junior, and Conner – our bassist – is a sophomore, so they pick on me a lot. Now that there’s two of us, maybe we can fight back.”

Nico didn’t think he would be doing anything within the realm of fighting, but he agreed anyway.

They continued walking down the hall making small talk about music and guitar. Will explained that he knew how to play guitar pretty well, but he couldn’t figure out how to strum and sing at the same time. He asked how long Nico had been playing and Nico told him since he was ten. He then asked if Nico could sing at all and Nico almost had a heart attack before Will burst out laughing, saying, “I was _totally_ kidding. But you should’ve _seen_ your _face_!”

“Don’t scare me like that,” Nico tried to say with a scowl, but ended up smiling slightly.

Will just chortled to himself. “Where are you headed?”

“Gym,” Nico replied with distaste.

“Oh, same.”

He shook his head. “First period gym is gonna suck.”

Will shrugged. “At least we get it over with. And anyway, I really want to try the climbing wall…”

Nico couldn’t think of anything he’d rather avoid.

When the warning bell rang, Nico had no idea where they were, but luckily Will seemed to know his way around, so he just followed tentatively until they were rounding the corner and the blue gym doors were in view.

Nico didn’t think that it was the right time to mention that he’d never been in a gym class in his life.

Having skipped middle school, his knowledge of gym class was limited to what he’d seen on _Mama’s Boy, Daddy’s Nightmare_ and cheesy Lifetime movies, which did not exactly present the class in a positive light. Not to mention, Nico hadn’t exercised in quite some time, and wasn’t sure that he could run a lap or properly execute a pushup, if asked. He was tempted to feign a stomachache and sit in the nurse’s office for the next hour and a half. But Will was still talking excitedly about different brands of guitars, and Nico figured that he should at least give the class a shot.

The teacher was a portly guy with a balding head and a verging-on-outrageous amount of leg hair. It made zero sense why his head was comically shiny while his legs could’ve easily belonged to a gorilla, but Nico decided that it was one of those things he shouldn’t think into. The teacher, who loudly introduced himself as Mr. Boulton, ordered everyone to gather around him and sit down so that he could explain how to buy gym uniforms. Nico found himself focusing instead on the rock climbing wall that stood menacingly behind him.

“I’ll betcha I can scale it in less than a minute,” Will whispered while the coach was in the middle of his rant on the commonly understated importance of deodorant.

Nico eyed Will’s broad shoulders and strong looking arms. “I wouldn’t bet against you.”

The other kids around them were just as focused on the wall, and it seemed to be making the coach angry.

“Hey!” he shouted loudly. A couple of kids in front of him jumped. “You’ll all have plenty of time to try the climbing wall, _believe_ me. But right now you need to shut your yapping mouths and _listen_.”

“Can we try it today?” Will called out from the back. Other kids mumbled curiously. Nico’s leg shook.

The teacher sighed, looking across the group. “I’m not supposed to let you climb it without the proper attire. But if you promise to listen, I will let anyone with _sneakers_ give it a shot.”

The room began to buzz with excited conversation as people either sized up the wall or tried to borrow shoes.

The coach shouted, “I _said_ you had to _listen_!”

The coach’s speech was cut very short as kids continued to pester him about the climbing wall. Eventually he gave up, and ordered everyone into two lines, minus a couple kids who either hadn’t found sneakers or didn’t want to try it.

“Hey, I think I’m gonna sit this one out,” Nico said to Will who had run up and reserved a spot early in the line.

“Oh, come on! It’ll be fun!”

Looking up at the tiny hand and foot holes, Nico had to disagree. But the kids who weren’t climbing had already trickled out. If he left now, everyone would see him make the shameful walk to the sidelines. He knew that other people’s opinions shouldn’t bother him, but they did.

The first kids had strapped on their harnesses and were already on their way up, their athleticism and competitive personalities already distinguishing them from everyone else. They were the kids that treated gym class like the Olympics. Nico had seen enough of _Mama’s Boy, Daddy’s Nightmare_ to know that. They had scaled the wall in less than a minute, high fived at the top, and started their descent down before Nico could even assess their strategy, all while the girls directly behind him made half-whispered comments about the muscles in their backs. He had a feeling they wouldn’t be making those comments about his own bony figure.

Will was next, and although he didn’t climb it quite as fast as the first guys, he was quick. He beat the girl who was climbing next to him and egging him on beforehand. Will had slid back down again, flashed Nico an encouraging smile and dropped the harness in his hands, falling back into the line, poking the girl he had beat.

 _I just have to do this once_ , Nico thought as he tightened the straps on his legs. _Then I can join the kids on the sidelines without calling attention to myself_. His palms were sweating as he tightened the strap on his waist for the third time. The girl climbing next to him was staring at him, waiting.

“Go ahead,” he told her, trying to keep his voice steady. “I don’t really want to race.”

She looked disappointed but went ahead, cheered on by the other athletic girls. Clipping the rope to his harness, Nico felt dread wash over him. He wouldn’t be able to make it to the top. The other kids would giggle behind their hands or smile at him pitifully, and would label him an N-E-R-D before he even said a word to them. His hands were shaking and he tried to steady them as he gripped the first handhold.

“Are you sure you want to do this, son?” The gym teacher said it quietly, but it made Nico blush bright red.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

He didn’t seem convinced. “You don’t have to. There’ll be plenty of opportunities to—”

“I said I’m sure.”

The teacher left him alone.

As he reached for the second hand hold and searched for suitable knobs for his feet, he heard Will behind him. “You can do it, Nico!”

Nico grit his teeth. Now everyone was surely staring at him. As he pulled himself upward, the girl beside him slid down, looking at him concernedly as she passed. Nico’s muscles strained, but he kept climbing.

In those two years, it had never occurred to him to exercise – it just seemed like a waste of time. He had no one to impress. He had never played any sports. But now, as he breathed heavily, straining to keep his body moving upwards, he wished that he had lifted weights or gone on runs. He saw Percy jog by almost every morning in the summertime, and Nico had never thought to ask to join him. The regret was physically painful now as he grew more fatigued.

Another girl blew past him, her hands finding the handholds effortlessly. He could hear Will cheering him on below, but it didn’t help. The girl descended next to him, nearly whacking him with her shoe, and it just made Nico angrier. He lunged for a high grip, determined to make it to the top, and he caught it with the tips of his fingers. He lifted his foot to catch up and shifted his weight. Suddenly, the toe of his sneaker slipped off the grip, and he swung forward, colliding with the rock wall before he could even process what had happened. Beneath him, he heard the other kids moan in collective sympathy. As Nico struggled to regain his composure, his face reddened.

“Are you alright up there?” The coach’s voice seemed distant, but loud.

“I’m fine.”

“Why don’t you come down, son?”

“I’m _fine_ ,” he insisted.

“You’re bleeding all over my rock wall.”

Nico looked down, hearing a chorus of chuckling from the kids below. An athletic looking boy appeared, clutching the handholds beside him, trying to keep his face looking concerned but unable to hide a smirk.

“I think you knocked your knee on one of the grip things,” he informed him, as if Nico hadn’t guessed.

“Oh, okay. Thank you.”

“You should probably go down.”

“I guess I should.”

He didn’t want to go down. He wanted to make it to the top, for himself, if nothing else. But his knee had started to sting, and his muscles were completely dead, and he honestly did not have a choice. He met the coach’s eyes and the coach nodded, lowering him down.

“You alright?” He asked after Nico’s sneakers slapped the mat.

“Yeah.”

“Hang out for a minute after class, and we’ll bandage that scrape for ya.”

“That’s alright, I’ve got it.”

“Hey,” the coach snapped his fingers and Nico looked up at him. “You’re the homeschooled kid, aren’t you?”

Nico figured there was no reason to deny it. “Yeah.”

The coach smiled at him, but it was a patronizing smile, like how a parent looks at their little kid when they do something stupid. “It gets better, alright.”

Nico looked away. “Yeah, umm… Thanks.” He started towards the boys’ locker room feeling heat in his cheeks and a stinging in his eyes. He heard someone jog up behind him, so he quickly blinked away the wetness.

“Hey, man. No big deal. Get it next time, right?” Will was trying to sound upbeat but his pitying eyes failed him.

“Yeah,” Nico replied. “Next time.”

Will put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. “Look. I’m sorry for pushing you into that. I didn’t realize…”

“That I’m the most un-athletic person in the world?” Nico figured.

Will chuckled. “Yeah. That.” He motioned to Nico’s knee which had let out a stream of blood that had reached his sock. “You need help with that?”

“Nahh, I got it.”

“I’ll grab your number next time I see you so we can start on band business. Cool?”

“Yeah.”

Will seemed unsure of whether to leave the conversation there, but when Nico started walking, he didn’t follow. Leaving the gym, Nico strode through the maze of lockers, reaching the bathroom in the back of the locker room. He grabbed a wad of toilet paper and wet it in the sink, looking around for a place to sit. There weren’t any seats, so he pushed past the curtains on one of the showers and sat on the bench in there, once determining that it was dry. He pressed the toilet paper to his knee and it hurt for a moment, but the distraction soon faded and he was left to his own thoughts. It was then that he let himself cry.

He didn’t cry about the rock wall incident, really. Or the pitying stares of the coach and the other kids. He didn’t cry for the smirk on that one kid’s face either. He mostly cried for the possibilities.

If she were alive.

If she were here.

If he weren’t so alone.

After letting these possibilities rule his mind for the year after she died, he had made himself promise to sweep them under the mat; lock them away before they could torment him further. They were cruel, those possibilities, and they had beaten him up worse than any bully could have. _They_ were what wore him down. Not his father. Not his feelings for Percy. The endless stream of ‘ _what if_ ’s. After keeping those thoughts at bay for about a year, he thought he was ready. But one slip of his shoe caused all of those possibilities to spill out in front of him like marbles on tile.

As he struggled to keep his sobs quiet, he could feel himself slipping on those marbles, back into the old dangerous mindset that had nearly ruined both his relationship with his father and his own sanity. His knee had stopped bleeding, but his heart hadn’t noticed, and it clenched in his chest – a faint memory of an old sensation he knew _very_ well.

The school bell rang overhead and he was grateful.

He was shaken from his thoughts and jolted back to the present. He rubbed his eyes with his sleeves, running the already bloodied paper over his leg one last time before emerging from the shower. It took him some time to get his eyes looking normal again, and after that he had to get a bandage and a hall pass from the coach. By the time he finally got out of the gym, he was grateful to get to sit in a desk and learn about his Geometry syllabus, and not have to think for an hour and a half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less depressing chapter up next week I prooooomise! (Btw did you get the title pun? I am sooo proud of that)


	3. An Attempt at Music

“You look exhausted.” Percy eyed him curiously as they made their way out of the school that afternoon.

Nico’s classes had all been boring, with the exception of guitar which wasn’t horrible, on account of the teacher being mildly funny. Will had caught Nico in the hallway and had made him plug his number into his flip phone, which was a pain in the neck, since some of the keys stuck. Then, Will had bid him a quick, “Later, bro,” before hurrying off to talk to some guys who were probably much more interesting than Nico. He’d promised to text, though, and had even mentioned having a brief practice later that day.

“Thanks,” Nico replied with a sigh. They reached Percy’s jeep and they slid in.

“I didn’t mean it offensively. You’re eyes are just kinda red.”

“Yeah, they do that.”

Percy swung out of his parking space, ignoring the horn that blared from behind him. “How was day two?”

“Fine,” Nico lied. It had gotten better after gym, but the whole rock wall incident still weighed heavily on his mind.

“How’d you get that scrape on your knee?”

“I fell.”

Percy frowned. “It’s always the short answers with you, huh?”

“I would’ve thought you’d be used to it.”

Percy chuckled.

“How’s Annabeth?” Nico asked.

“Ahh, fine.” He scratched his head. “She’s a little nervous for the year, I think. She’s taking a bajillion classes and they’re all at a ridiculously high level. It’ll be a lot. Even for someone like her.”

“I’m sure.”

Percy turned the corner sharply, and Nico was thrust against the door.

When he had pulled himself up again, Percy asked, “Who was that blond guy you were talking to, by the way?”

“Huh? Oh. That’s Will.”

“He was asking me about you this morning.”

“Really?” Nico furrowed his brow.

“Yeah, he asked if I knew a guy named Nico who’s really awkward on the phone, and I said I did.”

“Oh,” Nico said, ignoring the phone comment. “I was wondering how he found me. I’m joining his band.”

“You are?” Percy started to laugh.

“Yeah.” Nico blinked. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing,” Percy insisted. “I just never thought you’d join, like, a rock band.”

“It’s punk,” Nico corrected.

“Same difference.”

“Not really.”

Percy shrugged. “It’s just funny, is all.”

“I guess.”

“Hey.” Percy turned to look at him. He had stopped the car in Nico’s driveway. “Annabeth and I are throwing a party at my house this Friday. You should come.”

Apparently Nico made a face, because Percy burst out laughing.

“Come on, man, it’ll be fun!”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “Me? At a party? Percy, who would I even hang out with?”

“Me! And Annabeth. We could, like, set you up with a girl or something.” He snapped his fingers. “Thalia. She’s Annabeth’s old friend. She’ll love you.”

Nico shifted uncomfortably. “I doubt it…”

“Oh, I’m sure she will. You guys have that whole ‘gothic’ thing going on.” He motioned to Nico’s clothes.

Nico cleared his throat. “Well. Thanks for the ride.”

“Any time.” He smirked. “And Nico?”

“What?”

Percy licked his lips. “Just _think_ about the party, alright. It’ll be a great way to get your mind off… things.”

He had that look in his eyes that Nico hated. It was like the pitying looks that the kids in gym had given him, but with something more personal that made it a million times worse. As if Percy not only pitied him, but wanted to “fix” him. At least Percy was smart enough not to try. They both knew that _that_ wouldn’t work. Still, Nico felt Percy’s eyes on his back as he walked up to his garage. Another ‘what if’ prodded at his mind, but Nico dismissed it immediately.

 

His father wasn’t in the living room when Nico came inside. He considered walking upstairs to see if he was in his bedroom, but then he heard the banging.

“That sounds horrible.” Nico practically shouted as he stepped down the last of the basement stairs.

His father was coughing. “Hey, I haven’t played this drum set in ages! All this dust is a good indication.”

It was true. The air was thick with dust that clogged Nico’s nose as he tried to approach.

“Hey,” his father said. “Check this out.” He tried to play a lick, but each hit of the stick launched another dust cloud into the air, and sent his father into a coughing fit before he could finish a measure.

Nico couldn’t help but chuckle. “Why don’t you just clean it?”

“Cleaning’s for the weak.”

“If you say so.”

Nico’s phone beeped from his pocket, and he pulled it out, reading the message through before speaking.

“Can Will and the other two guys come over tonight for band practice?”

His father shrugged. “Yeah, why not. You don’t have any homework?”

Nico thought about the letter for his Italian teacher. “No.”

“Sounds good to me. I can order a pizza if you want.”

“I’ll let them know.”

Nico then hurried upstairs to grab his guitar, smiling on his way up at the sound of his father’s drumming and coughing.

He texted back and forth with Will for a while to schedule a time to meet, and played a bit on his guitar. It was an activity he’d practiced in fits and starts when he was younger, but had picked up religiously as a bit of a coping mechanism during his two year break. Some days he would spend hours on that guitar, jamming his fingers against the strings until they bled. It was both parts a distraction and an escape, and it worked better than any therapist his father had dragged into the house.

Nico was in the middle of trying to remember the chords to an old song when he heard the doorbell. “I got it!” He raced down the stairs, guitar in hand, and greeted Will at the door. Will stood grinning in front of the other two guys, one of whom carried a guitar case. The other had a stick bag.

“Hey!” Will greeted brightly. “What’s up, man?”

“Hey, Will. Come on in.” He held the door open and Will, followed by the two other kids, practically skipped through the door.

“Gosh it’s cold in here.”

Nico said, “I know.”

“Nico, this is Connor and Travis.” He motioned to the two guys in turn, but Nico immediately forgot which was which. They both had similar pointed features: elfish ears, straight noses. They seemed friendly enough, but they each had a roguish twinkle in their eye as if they were hiding a wild side.

“What’s up?” one asked.

“How’s life, Nico?”

Nico blinked. “Umm, fine…”

“Cut it out, would you, guys?” Will scolded. “If you scare him then we can’t practice in his wicked huge house.”

“We’re not scary!” one of them exclaimed while the other pretended to snarl like a wolf.

Slightly unnerved, Nico led them down to the basement. Thankfully, his father was no longer banging away at the old drum set and was actually nowhere in sight. _Good_ , Nico thought. _I don’t need him being all annoying._ He put his guitar down on the carpet and began fiddling with knobs on the row of amps.

“I haven’t actually used these in a while. I hope they work.”

“I got it,” the taller of the two brothers stated, and immediately began pushing and twisting things, his tongue poking out of his mouth slightly. Nico assumed he knew what he was doing.

“Nice set,” the other brother noted. “Kinda dusty though.”

“Yeah, we might want to brush that off.”

“I’m liking this mike stand,” Will was saying, repeatedly raising and lowering it instead of matching it to his height.

“Hopefully _his_ doesn’t screech like the dickens,” the drummer noted.

“Don’t insult my microphone stand, Travis, or I’ll shove it up your ass.”

“I’d like to see you try, Freshie,” Travis retorted.

“Music!” the other kid suddenly exclaimed, as if to remind them why they were there. “I’m starting to think we _shouldn’t_ freak this kid out – his equipment is top-notch.”

“Yeah, how _are_ you so rich, Nico?” Will wondered.

Nico shrugged. “My dad had a huge inheritance. Plus, he was a doctor until…” he cleared his throat. “Well, for a long time.”

“Is your mom, like, a lawyer?” Connor, the bassist asked.

Nico cursed internally. He had been trying to evade that subject. “Uhh, no.” He looked down and fiddled with a knob on his guitar, pretending to not have seen the look that Connor shot Will.

“Music!” Will echoed after an uncomfortable silence. “Shall we start?”

 

They soon discovered that _starting_ was easier said than done. Will had failed to mention that he and the others hadn’t been a band for very long, and didn’t have any songs written.

“We just sort of play Bon Jovi stuff until we get bored,” Travis explained.

Nico, having expected their stuff to be more ‘punk’ (as the flyer had advertised), hadn’t looked up Bon Jovi, and didn’t know how to play many of their songs. Eventually, they decided to just agree on a song and look up the chords online. After ten minutes of some very animated bickering from Will and the Stolls, they came up with that Fall Out Boy single; the one about songs and the dark.

There were a couple of tricky parts Nico couldn’t get, but with those simplified, he could pretty much play it through. Connor figured it out pretty fast, too. Travis decided to wing it instead of looking up music because “the high-hat sounds stupid in that song, anyway.” Will had to pull the lyrics up on Nico’s phone, but he knew the song relatively well. Nico asked him if he could hit the high notes on the ‘ _I’m on fiiire_!’ part and Will winked and said, “What do you take me for, di Angelo?”

Finally, Travis counted them off on his sticks for a second time (the first time Connor accused him of being too slow), and they gave it a shot.

If Nico were to have rated their first attempt, he would’ve given it a strong ‘could’ve been worse.’ The tempo fluctuated a bit as Travis worked his way around the set, and he would occasionally hit the rim instead of the drum and curse loudly – which was honestly more disruptive than the rim click. Nico messed up a couple of times when he was relatively isolated. This would’ve been a lot more embarrassing if Connor hadn’t turned the bass up _way_ louder than it needed to be.

Surprisingly, Will was a decent singer, although his ‘ _I’m on fiiire!_ ’s were not as strong as he’d previously indicated. Nico pointed this out to him once they finished, and Will promptly punched him in the arm, making some snarky remark about rock climbing, which would’ve been offensive if it hadn’t been spoken through so many curse words that the insult itself wasn’t the focus of the sentence.

They managed to get through the song a second time and then eventually a third, before Nico’s dad called them up for a pizza they hadn’t known he’d ordered.

“You guys sounded pretty good,” he noted as the group filed into the kitchen, their stomachs grumbling in harmony.

“You don’t need to lie to us, Mr. di Angelo,” Will said with a sigh. “Your son had already kindly informed me that my high notes are slightly flat.”

“More than slightly,” Nico noted, and Will threw a jalapeno pepper at him.

Soon they were all seated at the kitchen table, gorging themselves on pizza, while Nico’s dad told them stories about his high school garage band.

“We were pretty bad,” he admitted, pulling out a chair and plopping between the two Stolls. “But we were the only band at the school besides the school band, so naturally, they asked us to play at prom.”

“Sounds like a blast,” Will put in.

“You would think,” he replied. “It was pretty fun at first… at least until Teddy Moore – our lead guitarist – tripped over his shoelace and fell off the stage. Turns out, he was drunk off his balls, but none of us knew it at the time.”

“Oh, god,” Connor snorted. “That’s fantastic!”

“Wait, it gets better.” He leaned forward. “He fell on some girl, right? And she was the stereotypical blonde – captain of the cheer team and everything; dancing dirtier than should be legal with her football jock date.”

“Reminds me a bit of Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase,” Travis joked.

Nico’s fists clenched underneath the table, but he didn’t say anything.

“I doubt that those two are _this_ bad,” his dad noted. “But anyway, get this.” He started laughing and had to bite his lip, before finishing, “They were the prom king and queen!”

Nico smiled slightly but the other three exploded with laughter, right along with his father who was repeatedly smacking the table, causing the plates to jump and the glasses to quiver. He eventually calmed down, wiping his eyes with his fingers and leaning back in his seat.

“Ahh, I’m embarrassing my son here, but I had to share the story, as well as some lifesaving advice: Never perform when your wasted, kids. Or your friends will kick you out of your band, and you’ll have to pay for the prom queen’s broken arm!”

Will and the Stolls burst out laughing again, and Nico rubbed his eyes, unsure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that his band mates liked his father more than they liked him.

After downing most of the second pizza and draining their lemonade, they went back downstairs to run through the Fall Out Boy song a few more times. They weren’t quite as focused this time around, partly because it was getting late and they were getting tired, but also because Connor kept pretending to fall off some make-believe stage and squish some make-believe cheerleader. If it were anyone else but Connor, it would’ve been stupid, but he even had Nico laughing as he flopped around on the carpet shouting, “OH I’M SORRY, WAS THAT YOUR RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE HANDBAG ON WHICH I JUST PUKED?”

When they had finally lost all of their energy, Will’s mom’s minivan honked from outside, and they all trudged up the steps, running around to find their shoes.

“Well that was pretty productive,” Will noted as he tied up his ratted converse.

It took Nico a moment to realize that he wasn’t kidding. “Are you serious?” he asked, laughing.

“Well, compared to usual,” Connor added. “We usually just end up playing video games.”

“Thanks for letting us use your basement,” Travis said patting Nico on the back slightly harder than Nico thought was necessary.

“No problem.”

“I’ll text you about another session, kay?” Will said, heading for the door.

“Sounds good. See you in gym.”

“See ya.” With his hand on the doorknob, he suddenly paused and turned back around towards Nico. “Nice Band-Aid, by the way, Mr. Athlete.”

“My climbing’s better than your singing.”

Will opened his mouth to say something back, but quickly closed it. “Touché.” And then he grinned, winked, and skipped out the door.


	4. Peer Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy just reminding y'all that you can follow me on tumblr at altessah.tumblr.com :) Thanks for reading!

After a bit of thought, Nico decided to start doing pushups before bed. It wasn’t the best way to gain arm strength, but he knew that his father would tease him if he tried to borrow his weight set. And he probably couldn’t lift those weights, anyway. He started with pushups the night after the first band practice and made it to eight before his elbows bent and he nearly fell on his face. He was even weaker than he’d thought.

He kept trying though, and managed to do ten the next morning before school, and ten again that same night. By Thursday morning, his arms were incredibly sore, but he felt accomplished, and didn’t mind when they complained throughout the day.

Nico’s second day of gym class was much better than the first. Nobody mentioned the rock climbing incident, at least not to his face. Most of the class was spent purchasing uniforms and assigning lockers. Nico and Will ended up in the same cubicle.

“Aww, man. I wanted a top one!” Will pouted, looking over at Nico who was twisting the lock on his own locker for the third time. “Lucky.”

Nico grunted. “Yeah, well it’s not gonna be of much use if I can’t even get it open.”

“Let me try. Move.” He shoved Nico out of the way and began to work on the lock, looking between the door and the sticky note with the combination. “Alright, di Angelo. You have to twist it to the right, first…”

The coach didn’t make them dress out, and Nico was thankful. He didn’t need all of the other kids to see how bony he was up close. Thankfully, the athletic ones weren’t in his cubicle, but Nico heard them hooting and laughing from the front of the room, and he wrinkled his nose.

“They’re not that bad,” Will told him after seeing his face. They were sitting on the benches in the locker room while the coach helped the girls across the gym. “They’re just a little immature.”

“A _little_.” Nico huffed.

“Okay, some of them could pass as third graders. But others are nice.”

“I don’t think that I could, like, be friends with them, though,” Nico supposed.

“You’re friends with that senior. The popular one.”

“Percy doesn’t count,” Nico huffed. “He lives next door. We grew up together.”

Will raised an eyebrow. For some reason he was exceptionally good at doing that. “If you guys grew up together, why are you so cold to him?”

“I’m like that with everyone.”

“You weren’t like that with me and the Stolls yesterday.”

“Yeah, but that’s…” Nico licked his lips. “That’s different.”

Will cleared his throat. “You know, I – I heard a rumor. About you and him.”

Nico’s heart seemed to stop before starting up again, faster. He swallowed nervously. “What kind of rumor?”

Will drummed his fingers on the bench. “Well, Travis told me that he heard from some seniors that Percy… got your sister killed, or something.”

Nico felt a sick sense of relief.

He was so worried that people were going around saying something else about him and Percy; something that Percy didn’t know.

It didn’t matter that Nico had never told anyone about it. He always felt like his feelings were printed on his face like a bold heading whenever they walked or talked together. He feared that everyone knew but Percy himself. And regardless of whether that inkling was true, Nico felt determined to keep him from finding out, at least until he could get his feelings sorted. He wasn’t sure if the grief had made him jump to conclusions about his own emotions, and he didn’t want to have to try and explain himself to Percy before he fully understood it all himself.

“It wasn’t like that,” Nico sighed finally. “He didn’t ‘get her killed’. He was just the one in the driver’s seat when The Accident happened. I don’t blame him for it,” he added.

“I feel like that’s a lie.”

Nico scowled at his shoes. “I’ll rephrase it, then. I know that I shouldn’t blame him for it. I’m trying not to.”

“I don’t think you’re doing a very good job.”

“Well, you certainly would know,” Nico spat bitterly.

Will leaned forward and scratched his head, seeming to struggle to find the right words. “Ahh, sorry, man. You’re right. I wouldn’t know. I’m sorry about your sister. That sounds rough.”

Nico didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t.

“And, uhh, yesterday – when Connor asked about your mom. You got really pale and your jaw got all tight. I was just wondering—”

“She’s dead too.”

“Oh.”

One of the other boys whooped loudly from up front and there was a sudden clamor of fists slamming against lockers. As the coach ran in and shouted at them, Will rubbed his face with his hands. Nico just sat there and stared at a crack in the floor tile.

“Well your life really sucks,” Will said after a moment, looking up at the lockers and blinking. “And to think I was jealous of you.”

Nico almost choked on his spit. “ _Jealous_? Why the hell would _you_ be jealous of _me_?”

Will snorted. “My house is legitimately the size of your living room, di Angelo. I paid for my guitar with about two years’ worth of babysitting money. _Babysitting_. And while your dad is cracking jokes and ordering pizzas, mine is yelling at me to do more sports and lose my stomach flub.” He shook his head. “Not even to get my grades up, di Angelo – to _lose my stomach flub_!”

Nico couldn’t help but chuckle. He expected Will to punch him in the arm, but instead he started laughing too. “Part of me wishes I could be as skinny as you, just to get him off my goddamn back.”

“Careful what you wish for,” Nico warned.

Will laughed. “And, hey. If you need any help with all of that, let me know.”

“All of what?”

Will gestured to Nico’s upper body. “ _That_. I can teach you how to lift weights.”

“Oh,” Nico snorted. “Yeah, that would be funny to watch, wouldn’t it? I’ll bet that you fully intend to trap me under one of those giant barbells and watch me struggle.”

“Hey,” Will pointed at him accusingly. “I wouldn’t just watch you struggle, I’d take pictures.”

 Nico grinned. “I guess it’s okay, then.”

The coach called for their attention from the front of the locker room. He started to give them a lecture about not spraying entire bottles of Axe body spray in the bathrooms, insisting that “whatever crappola you guys leave in there could _not_ be worse than that sad excuse for cologne.” When he segwayed into a rant about not clogging the toilets, Will leaned over and whispered, “Are you going to Percy’s party tomorrow?”

Nico looked at him. “Uhh, I wasn’t planning on it. Why, are you?”

“Yeah.” He didn’t look happy about it.

“Why are you even invited?” Nico asked before adding, “No offense.”

Will smirked. “Annabeth’s mom and my mom are good friends, so she kinda had to invite me. I don’t know her very well, though.”

“Neither do I. She’s nice from what I can tell.”

“Yeah.” Will frowned. “I just feel like she’s unintentionally condescending sometimes, you know? Like she talks to me like she’s my mother.”

“I completely agree.”

The coach’s voice suddenly escalated. “ _Whoever is talking in the back left cubicle needs to shut it, before I assign them fifty pushups_.”

Nico thought back to the difficulty he’d had with completing ten pushups that morning, and swallowed nervously. The rest of the room let out a chorus of amused, “o _oo_ oh”s and someone shouted Will’s name.

“Sorry, sir,” Will answered loudly. “Won’t happen again!”

“Don’t lie to me, Mr. Solace.”

“He’s being honest, Coach!” One of the jocks from the front shouted.

“Close your mouth, Nakamura.”

For some reason, that made Nico chuckle. He didn’t find the exchange humorous, as much as that kid’s name. As intimating as the jocks were, he doubted he could be frightened by a guy named _Nakamura._

“Your friend Nakamura has a really weird name,” Nico mentioned as he and Will made their way out of the gym.

“It’s his last name, actually,” Will replied, and Nico felt stupid. “And it’s Japanese, you racist. Not everyone can have sexy, Italian last names like _di Angelo_.”

Nico smirked. “Nakamura. Isn’t that a type of bird?” He snapped his fingers. “The one in that kids song! About the gum tree.”

“That’s a kookaburra, dumbass.”

“Oh, whoops.”

Will smiled. “I loved that song when I was little, though. They had us sing it in elementary school, but they changed the word ‘gay’ to ‘great’ and it was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard of. And I was seven.”

 “I guess they thought that you guys were gonna be immature about it.”

Will shrugged. “Yeah, but we were first graders – being immature was kind of our job. And changing the word seems even more immature, if you ask me.”

Nico agreed.

“And you said you are going to Percy’s party, or what?”

Nico shook his head. “I wasn’t planning on it. Doesn’t sound like my sort of scene.”

“But I’m not gonna know anybody!”

“Then don’t go.”

“My mom is making me,” he grumbled. “She says I need to make friends. But all the kids there are gonna be either drunk or high, so I think she’s just as bad a parent as my dad.” He made a face. “Please come. I don’t want to be alone.”

Nico pursed his lips. “I guess I’ll think about it.”

They left the gym together and turned the corner, entering the sea of kids rushing in and out of classrooms. Their next classes were on opposite sides of the school, so Nico muttered a goodbye before heading down a familiar hall, struggling against the flow of the traffic. He was averagely tall, but was still often swallowed by the upperclassmen when he tried to make his way through the busier halls.

“Nico!” Percy appeared beside him and grabbed his arm, catching him by surprise.

“Oh. Uhh, hey.”

“Hey! Sorry, I needed to catch ya.” He grinned warmly. “Annabeth was hoping for a ride from me today but she has to stay after for a little while. So, I was thinking we could just hang in the entrance hall until she’s done.”

“Sounds fine,” Nico told him.

“Cool.”

And then Percy was pulled away by some other seniors and Nico was shoved in the opposite direction, feeling slightly lost as he tried to remember where to find his Geometry classroom.

The rest of the school day was about as boring as Nico expected, although his teachers were beginning to assign them actual work. Nico knew that his dad was a horrible teacher. But he hadn’t fully understood _how_ horrible until he was staring down at supposed ‘review’ worksheets and having trouble recognizing what was math and what was English. By the time he made it to an empty bench in the entrance hall, he was stressed and frustrated. Percy didn’t show up for another fifteen minutes.

“Hey, Nico.”

Nico peered up from his cell phone, raising his eyebrows in silent greeting. Percy plopped down beside him, letting out a slow breath.

“I don’t know about you, but I thought this day was _way_ long.”

“Yeah,” Nico said simply, not in the mood for conversation.

“How’s that band thing going?”

“Fine.”

Percy punched him in the arm.

“Hey!” Nico glared at him but was slightly amused. “What was that for?”

“Look up from your phone and talk to me, idiot. I’m trying to make conversation and you’re giving me one syllable at a time.”

“Okay, fine. The band thing is going pretty well, I guess. We had a practice yesterday and we have one song sort of okay.”

“Who else is in it besides you and that Will kid?”

“Do you know the Stoll brothers?”

Percy wrinkled his nose. “Yeah. Travis’s in my history class. He’s kind of a smart ass.”

For some reason, Nico felt like he had to defend him. “I like Travis.”

“Yeah, I guess opposites attract.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Percy shrugged. “He’s loud and funny and stuff, and you’re… Quiet.”

“And not funny,” Nico finished.

“No! That’s not what I meant! It’s mostly the quiet thing.” He sat up and pulled at a stray string on his jeans. “I think that’s why we’re friends. We’re opposites too.”

Nico watched the way Percy’s feet tapped the floor and his fingers drummed on his knees, and he frowned. “I guess.”

They were quiet for a moment. Nico pulled his phone back out and continued flipping through his old pictures. He was trying to clean them out to give his phone more space. Percy leaned back and watched him.

“Hey, I’m in that one!”

He pointed to a picture that Nico had taken of a mythomagic figurine on his windowsill. Through the window he could see a tall figure on the sidewalk, making his way up the hill.

“How can you even tell?”

“I have a shirt that color. What’s with the doll thing?”

“It’s not a… Ahh, never mind. It’s nothing.”

“No.” Percy was shaking his head, squinting at the screen. “I know what that is. That was the thing in her pocket.”

Nico was silent. He hadn’t expected Percy to remember.

“Yeah…” Percy continued. “She bought it from Clarisse at the party. We all thought she was crazy. Everyone was talking or drinking, and Bianca was over there arguing with _Clarisse_ of all people about a price for it. I’d never seen her so intent on something in my life.”

“It’s a rare one,” Nico said quietly, still processing the story. “I’d been trying to find it for years.”

“Yeah, well Clarisse had it on a shelf in her basement, and Bianca caught sight of it when we came in and immediately pulled out her wallet. She had been so quiet before, and then, all of a sudden she was practically fighting with Clarisse – her hand gestures were all over the place.”

Even after two years, Nico could picture the way that her hands flew animatedly through the air as she spoke quickly, her eyes narrowing as her voice got louder. It brought a smile to his lips.

“And she got it,” Nico said finally.

“Yeah. It was a lot of money though. We all thought she was crazy. She had her hand in her pocket the whole night as if she was afraid someone was gonna steal it. She was so distracted. I remember being annoyed. She was my date, after all.”

The grin hadn’t fallen from Nico’s face, which was kind of funny since any mention of that night usually made his chest tight and his mouth dry. But that was when he was thinking about her death. When he pictured her alive, the ache was numbed by warm nostalgia. The memory of her was weirdly comforting.

“We wouldn’t have worked out,” Percy decided after a moment. “I mean, I loved her to death, but not like that. She was so laid-back and mellow and stuff. And I’m over here with ADHD. Opposites attract, but she and I were too different.”

Despite finding the conversation odd, Nico agreed. Bianca had not only been quiet, but she had also been very relaxed. She kept to herself at school. She was never good at making decisions, but she didn’t struggle with anxiety like Nico did. He was quiet too, but he cared so much about what other people thought. While she had ignored their comments and let them make judgments all they wanted, Nico found that he cared more about what other people thought of him than what he thought of himself, sometimes. Part of him wished that he could be more like her. Caring was exhausting. But it wasn’t in his nature.

“How long until Annabeth’s done,” Nico asked after a moment.

“Shouldn’t be too long. Thanks for waiting.”

“No problem.”

“Have you decided whether you’re coming tomorrow?”

Nico sighed. Under most circumstances, he would’ve told Percy ‘ _no’_ right off the bat. But he didn’t want Will to have to face all the upperclassmen alone. He’d hoped to have more time to think about it. “I don’t know,” he answered finally. “Will wants me to come.”

“Then you should. He’ll be bored out of his head otherwise. You guys are the only freshmen invited.”

“What an honor,” Nico mumbled.

Percy chuckled. “One of the _many_ perks of being friends with me, right?”

“Senior parties and your Jeep are the only two I can come up with.”

“There has to be more than that.”

_Recurring onslaughts of uncomfortable and contradicting emotions which cause me to question many aspects of my existence?_ Nico supposed. _Naw, too wordy_.

“Your mom makes good cookies,” he said instead.

“There we go! That’s three. Much more than I expected to get out of you, to be honest.”

“You’re welcome.”

Percy poked him in the side. “Hey, Nico.”

“What.”

“Come to the party tomorrow.”

“This is peer pressure.”

“Please?” Percy begged. He looked over and made the face that Nico remembered him often directing towards his mother: sad eyes and a pouting lip.

“Fine,” Nico decided with a groan. He had a feeling he’d regret the decision once he got there, but he didn’t feel like arguing with Percy. And however bad it turned out to be, he’d undoubtedly been through worse.


	5. A Moment of Honesty

Friday rolled by slowly. Classes were getting rougher by the day, and Nico found himself struggling to keep up with the work, taking longer on each math problem than most and completely giving up in English. But he’d occasionally spot Will in the halls, and even if he was surrounded by cooler kids or in a hurry, he would always flash that bright smile and wave with enthusiasm that Nico wished he had. Finally, after what felt like the longest day of the week, the last bell rang and the halls swelled with kids, backpacks, and loud voices.

“Nico!”

Nico recognized Will’s voice immediately and he felt his spirits rise a little. Turning, he waited for the blond to catch up. Will was grinning widely as if to show off his perfect teeth.

“I’m gonna ride with you and Percy today and we’re gonna practice in your basement,” he said with certainty, falling into Nico’s stride.

“Oh, are you.”

“Yup. We’re gonna play some music and mentally prepare for this party that you are absolutely going to.”

“Alright,” Nico sighed, and Will pumped his fist in the air.

“Yes! I’ve convinced you to do something social. This is good.”

“What are you, my mentor?” Nico snorted.

“Yeah. I like that. Call me that.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Absolutely yes,” Will persisted. “Where do you usually meet Percy?”

Nico thought for a moment and then frowned. “I don’t know. I guess I usually run into him by his locker.”

“And where’s that?”

“I don’t know,” Nico scoffed. “I don’t know where anything in this damned school is.”

Will laughed. “I think I might know, don’t worry, kid.”

They eventually found Percy as he walked out of the bathroom, and he was fine with giving Will a ride. Soon they were all piled into his Jeep, and Will was practically interrogating Percy about what the party would be like. Nico had a smirk on his face, as he’d had to practically fight Will for shotgun and had won.

“Just wear what you’re wearing now, dude. It doesn’t matter,” Percy was saying, sounding slightly annoyed as he veered onto the road.

“You don’t think I’m overdressed?” Will looked down at his T shirt and shorts concernedly.

“You’re fine,” Percy answered.

“Do you think people will know that we’re freshmen?”

Nico chuckled to himself and tuned them out, instead looking down at his phone. He’d gotten rid of many of the old pictures, or transferred them to his laptop, but he’d kept the one of the figurine Bianca had bargained for. It had been a comfort the day before – a warm memory of how things used to be that wasn’t strong enough to cause him pain. But for some reason, when he looked at it in the Jeep while Will and Percy bickered (their voices rattled back and forth over Percy’s headrest) Nico found himself picturing what it had been like.

The sky had definitely been black. The road was illuminated with artificial lighting that buzzed with the summertime moths and beetles. It was late and the lights hurt their eyes as they drove towards home, the car jumping with each pothole that Percy didn’t avoid. He was certainly sluggish. The alcohol weighed on his limbs; the hour of night weighed on his eyelids. _Her_ eyelids were almost closed beside him. She’d probably only had one drink – her first, too, and even that one was enough to affect her. She giggled as they approached the light.

                They sat in the left turn lane for a while, watching the emptiness of the road. Nothing changed. Percy looked up at the light, a glaze over his eyes.

                “Green,” he observed in a sluggish tone. “Green means go.”

And then he’d turned.

More of that artificial light came out of nowhere, a fast ball whirring, hurtling through the thick air. It sliced with the strength of something physical and the physical thing followed, plowing through like an avalanche with no mind, simply a path. A path which was unfortunately obstructed.

Nico felt the figurine in her pocket dig into her leg, its plastic sword cutting through the fabric. She rolled forward. She slammed. She flopped back again, but the figurine was safe, cushioned by everything that was left of her. Beneath the sword, her thigh began to bleed.

It didn’t matter that the circumstances had changed. Too much was constant: the place, the memory, the company. It was overpowering, like a rotten smell, and suffocating, like a bag over Nico’s head. He could see, but he couldn’t. It was stupid, _but_ _it wasn’t._

He could hear them calling his name. He wasn’t deaf or even dead. But the memory overtook him. Not the anxiety, the _memory._ The suddenness and the heat, and that painful blast of numbness that made his fingers swell and his cheeks fill with hot air. His skin wasn’t white, it was red, and Percy’s breath on his neck (Nico’s own name, still) wasn’t helping. It was adding to the heat, just like Percy had done the first time, his sobs and _her_ name shrouding her body in that suffocating _heat…_

“Nico!”

It wasn’t the exclamation that shook him from the attack, but the sudden, sharp beep of a horn. Percy had stopped in a left turn lane. Hearing the horn, he put on his hazards.

“Nico, are you okay?” Will’s concerned voice came from behind him. He’d unbuckled his seatbelt and was leaning close, staring at him with those concerned blue eyes.

Nico didn’t trust himself to talk, but he nodded.

“Was that a panic attack?” Percy asked him shakily. He wasn’t leaning close like Will was, anymore. He was leaning far away, as if Nico was fragile and he didn’t trust himself to come closer.

“Yes,” Nico breathed finally. He felt the heat leave his face. It helped that Percy was far away. Nico swallowed. “I got them a lot after she died. It’s… It’s been a while.”

The feeling that sat in his chest was familiar. It was the meanest form of relief, in that the pain wasn’t gone, just subdued. Will patted him on the shoulder, his face looking pale but not too shaken. He leaned back again, snapping his seatbelt into place.

“You okay?” Percy was looking at him and for the first time in a while, his eyes weren’t full of pity. Instead, they were full of guilt. Nico didn’t like that look any better.

“Yeah,” Nico breathed. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be.”

Percy starting driving again and Nico counted mailboxes to avoid getting lost in his own thoughts again. It was dangerous, he’d discovered. And he didn’t want to scare Will off. He was the only friend other than Percy that Nico had, after all. He couldn’t see Will, but he knew that his episode had shaken him, as he wasn’t talking. His breathing was loud.

“I’ll see you guys tonight,” Percy said as Nico and Will gathered their things. “If you’re feeling up for it, I mean.”

Nico nodded. Will thanked him for the ride. The cold air that greeted them when they entered the house felt good for once.

“Hey, kiddo!” His dad’s voice came from the living room. “Come talk to me.”

“Will’s here,” Nico responded. “We’re gonna go to the basement.”

“Hi, Mr. di Angelo,” Will called weakly. He cleared his throat. “Your house is freezing.”

The man just chuckled. “Better than being hot as hell, I always say.”

Nico and Will dropped their backpacks off and hurried down the staircase, plopping on the couch with loud sighs that only came from the relief of finishing a week of school. Nico was completely content with just staying there with his head lolled back on a cushion, but Will sat up, eyeing him for long enough that Nico couldn’t ignore him.

“What?” Nico groaned.

“Aren’t you going to tell me what that was about?”

Nico opened an eye. Will was sitting cross-legged, his hands folded in his lap. Nico sat up.

“I have anxiety,” he explained, running his fingers through his hair to get it off his forehead. “It’s usually triggered from social things like talking on the phone”– Will made a knowing face –“but I also get attacks from certain memories. It’s a mild form of PTSD.”

Uncharacteristically, Will was silent, staring at Nico instead of voicing his thoughts. Nico didn’t like it.

“Well?” he urged.

“Well what?” Will replied.

“Well, are you gonna say something, or run away, or what?”

Will frowned. “Well, I’m not gonna run away. Mostly because this couch is really comfortable and I don’t want to get up. But also because I want to help you.”

Nico was about to laugh, but instead, he rolled his eyes back into his head, falling dramatically on the cushion behind him.

“What?” Will laughed. When Nico’ only response was a groan, he leaned over and shoved him in the arm.

“You want to fix me!” Nico exclaimed in a theatric voice that sounded eerily like his fathers. “You want to take all of the pieces of the broken boy and put them back together like a goddamned puzzle, so that I can be whole again! Is that it? Is that what you want, Will?” He couldn’t tell if he was loud with humor or anger.

“You _know_ that’s not—”

“You want it to be like it is in movies where all the kid needs is a pal to show him that life is worth living and that he doesn’t need to worry about his anxiety ever again!”

Will let out an exasperated sigh before reaching over to yank Nico up by the shoulders, exclaiming in a loud, angry huff, “No, you asshole – I want to _get you laid_!”

Nico opened his mouth to say something, but found that the words were stuck to the roof of his mouth like a gross mix of glue and peanut butter. “Excuse me?” He spit out, finally.

Will took his hands off Nico’s shoulders and grinned. “You totally have a hard-on for Percy.”

Nico’s face must’ve been absolutely horrified because Will laughed and explained.

“You’re super cold to him _all_ the time as if you’ve got to overcompensate. And when I said that I heard a rumor about you two, you turned wicked pale. Don’t worry, it’s not obvious. I’m sure he’s oblivious. But I can tell, and I’m going to help.”

Nico shook his head very fast. “You can’t. He has a girlfriend, Will, and she’s good for him.” He stopped himself. “ _Not_ that I’m admitting that anything you just said was true. I’m just saying: your little plan to ‘help’ me isn’t gonna work.”

Will just smirked. “We’ll see. Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, kiddo.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Thankfully, Will dropped the issue after that, turning immediately to a discussion about the band and guitar, and whether they could ever get good enough to make a profit of any kind. Despite having been shaken by Nico’s panic attack, Will seemed to be right back to normal, and Nico was surprised to find that he wasn’t too bad off either. He had expected the episode to lead to a week of remembering; a week of moping around his house with his mind far from where it should’ve been to pass his classes.

But Will was helping him, somehow. He was keeping him in the present. Before, there was no way for Nico to distinguish between the day after she died, and the year after. The house was the same. The ache in his chest was pretty much the same, too. But Will reminded him that this wasn’t the day after they’d gotten the phone call in the middle of the night that Bianca was in the hospital and she wasn’t breathing and her brain had been damaged by the impact along with rest of her. Will reminded him that this time, he wasn’t alone.


	6. Something Social

Compared to the school day, the afternoon breezed by so quickly Nico was almost annoyed. The quick procession of the clock below the television brought out a sort of nervousness inside him that could only be labeled as pre-party jitters. His palms were sweaty and clammy against the bridge of his guitar as he and Will attempted to practice, and when he pulled his hands away, the wood was cloudy from the contact. But however nervous Nico was, Will was worse. His voice kept cracking almost comically through their rehearsal, and while they ate dinner he kept jiggling his foot against the table leg. Nico’s soda made waves in its glass.

“Would you knock it off?”

Will was silent for a moment before appearing to shake out of a daze. “What was that?”

“Your foot, asshole,” Nico stated. “It’s shaking the table.”

“Oh! Sorry.”

Two minutes later the table began to quiver again, but Nico decided not to kick him, as Will seemed oblivious.

They tried to run through some more music, but it was awkward without the Stolls and they were each a weird combination of sluggishness from having eaten, and nervousness because of the fast approaching party. Finally, after Will sang a note so sharp that it was physically painful, Nico’s dad called down that they’d better shut up and head over to Percy’s before the mirrors all broke. Before they could leave, Will insisted upon fixing his hair in the mirror, changing absolutely nothing. He asked Nico if he looked alright. ~~~~

“Yeah, you look fine,” Nico answered with a shrug.

Will frowned. “Fine?”

“What do you want me to say – you look gorgeous?”

Will grinned. “Thanks, man!”

Percy only lived next door, but Nico’s yard was _very_ big, and the walk was tiring and uncomfortable. Will was usually pretty confident, but he seemed very jumpy as they strode down the sidewalk, a noticeable spring in his step. He kept tripping over his own feet, trying to whistle as he walked but having trouble choosing a song. He’d gone through the choruses of what had to have been an entire _Panic! at the Disco_ album by the time they reached Percy’s door. A lot of cars were already there. They were pretty late.

Unlike the crisp, frigidness of Nico’s house, the hazy smell of alcohol and weed seemed to smack them in the face the second they stepped through the door, and Nico almost gagged. Poor Sally, he thought idly. Her house would probably reek for days. Loud, bass-boosted music reverberated dully through the front hall, sending the already chipped china in Sally’s cabinet clanking together.

Nico hadn’t been to Percy’s place for a long while, but not much had changed from what he remembered. The same pictures lined the dusty shelves; a gap toothed Percy grinned at him as they walked through the foyer. Some more adorable childhood photos hung crooked on the walls leading upstairs, though the couple giggling on the stairwell was a little distracting. The family room was carpeted and had a long, dark couch that sagged beneath a group of teenagers. The kitchen was full of them too; almost all seniors, or the height of seniors, at least. Nico felt small.

It was interesting, though. Even though the other kids were obviously cooler than Nico, they didn’t laugh or scoff at him for being smaller or nerdier. They simply ignored him, talking and laughing with their friends or dancing to the music. Sure, Nico felt out of place, but he wasn’t a spectacle like he’d been on the rock wall earlier that week. He was simply another face.

Meanwhile, previously petrified Will had managed to put on a confident façade that almost made Nico angry. His chest was puffed out, noticeable to Nico, but probably normal to everyone else. His gaze wasn’t as terrified as Nico’s certainly was. His light blue eyes had a slight haze over them, making him seem effortlessly sleazy. Percy caught sight of them from the living room and he called them over.

“Nico! Will! Get over here!” He grinned, wider than normal. A drink hung from his hand, seeming mostly empty.

“Hey, Percy!” Will grinned, punching him in the arm before plopping down on the couch, leaving room for Nico sit next to him. The other kids had scooted over to give them room.

“Glad you guys could make it… Or, glad Will could, at least.” He reached over Will to push Nico’s shoulder, smiling to show he was kidding. Nico smiled slightly. The kid next to him breathed out a puff of sour smelling smoke and he had to quickly stifle a cough.

“We’re playing Cards Against Humanity,” Percy explained, brandishing the cards in his hand with a face that seemed to say that they weren’t too great.

“And you’re sucking,” a girl replied.

Cards were splayed out across the table amongst the beer and soda cans. On the scratchy looking scorecard, Percy appeared to have the least amount of points, while Clarisse (whom Nico remembered from when Bianca had known her) had the most. She grinned when she caught Nico looking at her score.

“Jealous, goth boy?”

Nico did the smart thing and nodded.

“I’m bored,” a _very_ pretty brunette moaned, throwing her cards on the table. “I fold.”

“Folding is in _poker_ ,” Clarisse scoffed.

“I don’t even _care_.”

“I fold too,” Percy stated, throwing his cards on the table. “Clarisse wins, Percy loses. Let’s do something else.”

“Flip cup?” someone suggested, motioning to the kitchen where there was quite a bit of shouting.

People mumbled both for and against the idea.

“Caps?” another person asked.

That suggestion received groans.

“How about spin the bottle?” Will called out.

There was a moment of quiet. Immediately following was a loud chorus of laughter. Nico felt himself reddening on Will’s behalf, but Will himself was unfazed.

“Cute little freshie wants your party to be like the ones in movies, Perce,” Clarisse snickered.

“That’s adorable,” the brunette girl said with a wink in Will’s direction.

“Ironically, I mean.”

Will’s words caused the laughing to quiet substantially.

“Ironically,” Percy repeated, sounding confused.

“Yeah, man. Like, we play _because_ it’s stupid and cliché.” Will shrugged. “It’s exactly what adults think we would do, if movies are any indication. So let’s do it, and make fun of how dumb it is.”

“I haven’t played since middle school,” one guy admitted. “Best night of my sad little life.”

“Exactly,” Will said with a grin.

“I’m game,” the brunette said with another wink at Will who looked quickly at his shoes, blushing slightly.

“Alright,” Percy sighed. “Let’s appease the twelve year old inside us.”

Someone cleared the table of cards and chips, and Will put down an empty bottle from somewhere. Kids from the kitchen trickled in, interested to see what was going on, snorting when others explained that they were ironically playing spin the bottle, pointing bemusedly at Will. It might’ve been on accident, but Will nudged Nico’s leg, as if hinting at some inside joke they had. Nico didn’t get it. If this was part of his plan to set him up with Percy, it was stupid. Sure, spin the bottle might work if it just so happened to land on both Percy and Nico. But there were about fifteen people crowded around the coffee table. Nico wasn’t good enough at math to know the exact probability, but he had to believe his chances were slim to none.

Regardless, he was somewhat interested. He’d never played spin the bottle before, as he’d sat out of middle school – not that he would’ve been invited to any parties like that anyway. But these kids were veterans. They knew how to make this interesting.

Nico had a feeling that when middle schoolers played the game, their form of a kiss was probably a fraction of a second long and with quite a bit of giggling and nervous blushing. He imagined that younger kids only kissed the people they wanted to kiss, making up rules about ‘passes’ and ‘re-spins’. But after the beer bottle had made several choice decisions, putting quite a few strangers in quite a few bizarre and often sexuality-defying positions, Nico soon learned that there was a very crucial theme to this game: _All or_ _nothing_.

Nico watched surprised as Annabeth joined Percy on the couch, only to be chosen to kiss a douche-y looking guy from Nico’s math class (that’s _freshman_ level math), doing so with only a roll of her eyes in protest. Beside him, Will looked pleased. He had a slight smirk on his face as if his plan was falling into place. One of his hands was drumming his knee. The other was placed awkwardly behind his back. He seemed frozen in place, at least until the lip of the bottle happened to point that gorgeous brunette his way. He grinned at her, almost knowingly. It made Nico uncomfortable.

Even still, he had to laugh when it became apparent that Will was the most awkward kisser in existence. He seemed to have approximately zero ideas about what to do with his mouth and even fewer about what to do with his hands. The brunette barely seemed fazed though, giggling with everyone else before ruffling Will’s hair, ruining the ‘perfect’ form that had taken him five minutes in the Nico’s bathroom mirror. Will’s cheeks were a little pink when the girl, Lillian, got off his lap (she’d practically jumped over Nico to get there once the bottle had stopped). Nico thought about shoving Will’s shoulder, but decided against it.

Next, Percy was chosen, and while he waited for the bottle to stop, Annabeth gave him a mocking lecture about commitment, using the phrases “just this once” and “I trust you” more than once each. For a few seconds, it appeared that it was going to choose the douche-y, bad-at-math stoner again, but it seemed to make a split second decision, jumping slightly past him, as if someone had nudged it. Nico didn’t really process what had happened – he was more focused on the fact that Will’s hand was on his leg for no apparent reason – but suddenly he saw a lot of heads swivel towards him. A lot of excited gazes landed on him. He felt his face begin to redden and his heart begin to sputter as he became the attention of the circle of seniors – one of his worst nightmares realized.

“Eyy, Percy! Swinging the other way for the night?”

“I can dig it,” someone laughed.

“Your boyfriend doesn’t seem too into you, though.”

People chuckled in response. That stoner burped.

Percy met Nico’s gaze for a few moments before he grinned exclaiming, “Get over here, Nico buddy! We’re dating now.”

Annabeth pushed his head, and some of the kids laughed – an innocent sound that suddenly sounded like thunder to Nico. He was the most sober person there, but his vision was beginning to blur and he couldn’t make out individual comments. He felt Will shove him in the side, though, and he heard him whisper, “ _Get over there, loser. You want this!_ ”

And it wasn’t like Nico could argue. He _did_ want this, or at least some part of him did. Why else did he get up from the couch, ignoring the white cards that spilled between the cracks in the cushions? But even as he started towards Percy, his own gaze locked onto those hazy but still incredibly bright green eyes, he couldn’t help but feel apprehension gnawing his insides with every step.

How was this moral? Barely two years had passed since Percy had driven drunk with Bianca in tow, crossing the road without watching, letting her fall victim to the force of a speeding truck that killed her within the hour. Percy was the reason Nico had anxiety attacks. He was the reason Nico had ignored life for two entire years, swept beneath the current without a raft. He was the reason Nico had lost weight. Percy was the reason that Nico would never be the same excitable, optimistic, and ever-so-slightly-pudgy child that he’d been before he lost her. Percy was the reason that—

Nico caught himself as he took Annabeth’s place on the arm of the couch, only sliding down to sit on Percy’s lap when the insistence of the other kids, that he do just that, got too loud to tune out. Percy wasn’t the reason that Bianca was dead, and Nico couldn’t keep blaming him like this. _Bianca’s life was lost to chance_ , Nico’s dad had said, and although Nico hadn’t believed him them, he believed him now. He had to forgive. He’d held this over Percy’s head for too long.

Percy was warm, smiling wider than usual as he stared at Nico’s face, laughing as comments were tossed over their heads.

“He’s so little, I think the alcohol on your lips is enough to get him wasted, Perce,” the girl Lillian mentioned and others called out in agreement. Percy ignored her though, running his thumb over Nico’s cheek, watching its trail. Nico jerked at the touch and then swallowed, petrified.

“You okay, buddy?” Percy asked him, quietly so no one else would hear.

“I’m fine,” Nico replied in a voice so monotone he surprised himself.

“You’re all pale and stuff,” Percy frowned. “If you don’t want to—”

“I’m fine,” Nico said with certainty. He quickly cleared his throat, feeling weird, misplaced confidence snaking through his veins. Without any real thought, his hand moved to Percy’s chest. Loud hooting erupted from the crowd, sending discomfort through Nico’s head, reminiscent of the pain caused by Will’s horribly off tune high note. But they weren’t people anymore. Not really. The kids around him were more like loud, obnoxious flies – background noise rather than a reason to panic.

Percy’s eyes were the only thing that mattered now. They were greener than before and relaxed, half closed beneath his strong arched eyebrows. His mouth twitched a few times, uncertain. He seemed to want to say something, but eventually gave it up. Those eyes blinked once. Twice. And then they closed.

Percy pulled Nico’s face towards him, his own face blurring with the motion. Nico’s vision was overtaken by his sense of touch. In a moment Percy’s mouth was against Nico’s and it was the weirdest thing Nico had ever experienced, not like the movies at all. He expected to lose himself, absorbed by the action and the emotion.

But when Nico kissed Percy, he wasn’t absorbed. In fact, he was suddenly aware of every breath, every twitch of a hand, and each movement of Percy’s jaw. Yes, the scene around them faded, and the voices of the other kids and the booming music seemed to come from far away. But Nico was immediately self-conscious of the sweat beneath his arms, and the tightness of his muscles, and the fact that he was clutching Percy’s t shirt so tightly that it would likely be wrinkled all night. Percy breathed out and his breath was almost as hot as his lips, tasting slightly of alcohol. Nico knew he was messing up. He knew that Percy was revolted and probably wouldn’t want to speak to him again after this horrible, _horrible_ mistake

But then Percy’s hand slid down Nico’s face. Strong, calloused hands were holding Nico’s neck. Percy was willing him to change something, willing him to loosen up. So Nico did. He smoothed out Percy’s shirt and brought his own hands up to Percy’s face, not caring if his sleeve slipped and people saw his bony arm. Suddenly, the sweat beneath his arms was forgotten, along with his lack of experience. He felt his breathing slow as the realization dawned on him that he was suddenly doing this right.

Or better than Will had done it, at least.

With this realization, the moments began to dwindle. Nico knew that it would have to end any moment. It was just spin the bottle, after all. But Percy kissed him for an extra few moments; not long enough to make people wonder, but long enough that Nico knew that it had meant something to Percy too. It might not have been as life changing an experience as Nico had had. But it was _something_. And that was all that mattered.

 

Nico couldn’t remember what happened immediately after he kissed Percy. Maybe that Lillian girl was right – the alcohol on Percy’s mouth had given him some sort of secondary buzz. He vaguely remembered getting off Percy’s lap without a comment, and partially noticed the kids around him laughing at something Percy said. But the noise was so loud and there were so many eyes on him (more eyes than ever in his life), so Nico excused himself, patting a concerned Will on the shoulder, and left the living room. He had to snake around the couple on the stairs, and there were two more kids making out in the upstairs hallway, but he eventually made it to the last room in the small hall.

It was just how Nico remembered it. Light blue walls, lumpy looking mattress, single window that Percy left open to give the room some air. Blue light illuminated the room from outside. A slight breeze blew the off-white curtains, causing them to lift and ripple. Feeling dizzy, Nico took a few steps inside and sat on the bed, ignoring the loud creak from the decade old springs.

The nostalgia was almost overwhelming. Too much was constant: the place, the memory, the _feeling_. Percy’s room felt the same as it had when Nico slept over as a kid. It only lacked Nico’s army green sleeping bag that they used to lay out parallel to Percy’s bed. He could picture the two plates of sandwiches and juice pouches Sally would bring up for them. He saw them lying there on the ground at his feet, her blue china chipped from years of use. Even through the alcohol and weed, Nico could smell the familiar musk that the old room had always had: like a mixture of dust and seawater. Nico’s eyes teared up as the memories flooded his head. So much had changed since then.

He blinked away those tears, and looked up. As he rubbed his dripping nose, trying to keep his thoughts organized, his eyes rested on the tall, light wooded bookshelf beside the window.

Despite being a bookshelf, the structure didn’t hold many books. Instead it displayed small toys and knickknacks from Percy’s childhood. Nico had forgotten. When Percy was younger he’d had a habit of starting collections of things – coins, buttons, rubber ducks. They wouldn’t last long. He would maintain a collection for a month or two, but he’d eventually give up when he got bored. This shelf seemed to be the alternative to a trash bin for those old collections, each object blanketed with a thin layer of dust.

A jar of light blue marbles caught Nico’s eye from the top shelf. Light from the window was shining through them, projecting a swirling blue spot on the wall. Nico stood up from the bed and took a step towards the shelf, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans.

“Bad idea,” someone drawled from the doorway causing Nico to actually jump. “I can’t feel my fingers…”

“Percy? What—”

The boy at the door had tottered forward, struggling for balance. Nico’s mouth snapped shut as he immediately moved to grab Percy under the arms, but it wasn’t necessary. Percy clutched the doorframe and pulled himself straight again.

“Why are you up here,” Percy said sluggishly. His gaze kept moving, never focusing, almost like he was scanning a book. “You’ve been gone awhile.”

“Apparently,” Nico muttered. Drunk Percy was something he had never witnessed, and nothing he wanted to. But Percy didn’t seem to understand that, as he took a few steps toward Nico, grasping Nico’s shoulder for support.

“Sit with me, I’m s—so tired.”

Nico nodded slowly, turning to start towards the bed, but Percy just crouched and plopped right on the floor in front of the window, running a hand through his sweaty matted hair. Tentatively, Nico sat down beside him, wondering what Annabeth would think if she walked in at this moment. _Nothing_ , he assured himself. _She knows Percy is straight as well as I do._ Even still, he felt uncomfortable… until Percy’s head fell on his shoulder as he breathed out a dense, audible sigh.

Nico’s muscles didn’t stiffen this time. His stomach lurched, but he forced himself to stay collected. He turned to look at Percy, staring down the bridge of his nose. His chest moved sluggishly and unevenly, and Nico heard every one of his breaths.

“I missed you.”

Nico’s shoulders jumped at that, and Percy looked up at him, those horribly beautiful eyes trapping him and not letting go.

“I missed you too,” Nico breathed in a whisper.

After a moment, Percy’s head fell again, but Nico could barely breathe, he could feel his pulse in his head, accelerating like a vehicle. Percy must’ve noticed because he placed a hand on Nico’s chest, talking into his neck.

“Y—you’re the n—nicest person I know. You know?” He hiccupped. “You care too much… too much, love.”

 _Did he just call me ‘love’?_ Nico wondered idly. “Why do you say that?” He asked weakly.

“Because you came to the p—party for me. You didn’t wanna. But you… did.”

“I did,” Nico agreed.

“I missed you,” Percy said a second time, looking up at Nico again, causing the same tremble to take his heart and his pulse to quicken once more.

“I missed you too, Percy.”

“Come back.”

“I’m right here.”

Percy’s lip quivered. “Come back.”

Nico took Percy’s face in his hands and pulled it towards him again, gracefully but quickly, pressing his lips to Percy’s, ignoring the sour taste of cheap alcohol. Percy’s arms wrapped around him. Pulling him closer.

Nico’s mind was a fog, his thoughts a blur. His skin was warm, his cheeks flushed. As Percy’s fingers sifted through his hair, Nico leaned back. He hit the bookshelf with a start, but it didn’t matter. He heard something fall over and then marbles were tumbling, pattering loudly like hail against the floor beside them.

He didn’t care.

He didn’t care if the other kids heard or if Will was looking for him, because he was finally getting something that he wanted, after years of only losing what he loved. Percy’s breathing was heavy against Nico’s cheek when they pulled away – loud in his ear. But the boy in his arms was beautiful; green eyes, sweaty hair, and all. And Nico had missed him too.

*             *             *

“So, don’t you want to know how I did it?” Will’s voice sounded tired from above him. His hand was draped over the side of the couch, fingers lightly grazing Nico’s army green sleeping bag.

“How you did what?” Nico yawned.

“The bottle. Don’t you want to know how I got it to land on you and Percy?”

Nico was about to say something but stopped. There was no way that Will…

“I used magnets,” Will said excitedly, not waiting for Nico to ask. “It was this kit my cousins got for me when I was like, thirteen. You put this special magnet in the lip of a bottle and then hold a piece of metal in your hand, so you can choose who you want to kiss. I’ve never actually used it before, but boy did it work.”

Nico was at a loss. After a long silence and an entire rethinking of the whole spin the bottle portion of the night, he only had one real thought.

“So that’s why your hand was on my leg.”

Will just chuckled.

“And that’s how you kissed that Lillian girl, isn’t it?”

Will’s hand twitched and then he pulled it back onto the couch. “Uhh, yeah. I thought I’d give her a shot.”

“And?”

Nico heard Will swallow. “And what?”

“And did you like it?”

Will was quiet. “Uhh, yeah man. Of course I did. She’s really hot.”

“Yeah,” Nico agreed.

There was a short silence and Nico heard some static. They must’ve left one of the amps on. He got up to go and fix it, and Will was staring at him.

“Well, aren’t you gonna say it?”

Nico strode towards the amps, his brow furrowed. “Say what?”

“Thanks,” Will stated.

Nico paused, his finger hovering over the off button on the amp. “Thanks,” he echoed awkwardly. He pressed the button and then turned around to find Will still staring at him, sitting up on the couch.

“I just went through so many loops to get you to have a moment with the guy you like, and the best you can do is repeat me like a parrot? Come on, man.” He turned around and slid further under his blanket, facing the back of the couch.

Nico didn’t know what to say. Of course he was grateful for what Will did for him, but he didn’t know what he wanted to hear. He slid back into the sleeping bag licking his lips. “Uhh, sorry, man. I meant, thanks a lot. You were really… helpful.” He cringed. _Helpful?_ “I mean—”

“Forget it, Nico.” Will mumbled. “Whatever.”

Those words seemed to be an attempt to end the conversation, but Nico didn’t want to. Something was wrong with Will, and Nico had a feeling he was involved. He couldn’t afford to lose this friendship. Will was the only person he could really talk to. He sat up to say something, but Will’s back looked tense, and Nico could see clenched fists acting like a barrier for Will’s face.

With a sigh, Nico slid back into his sleeping bag, wincing against the coldness of his pillow. It felt like the air conditioning was pointed right at him. He shivered, unable to fall asleep for most of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this is still a solangelo fic! Anywho, thanks for reading :) Again, I'm on tumblr at altessah.tumblr.com


	7. Chelsea Gets Married

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the accidental hiatus! I should be able to post more often now, because it's summerrrrr! :)

The weekend consisted mainly of homework, television, and stress.

Nico couldn’t explain why he was so stressed. He knew for a fact that he should’ve been floating on a cloud; high on his excitement from that night, and relieved that Percy felt for him what he felt for Percy. But there were too many things wrong.

The first was Will. He had been cold to Nico ever since his comments after the party, leaving the next morning before breakfast, claiming his parents wanted him home. Nico had tried to text him, eager to get him back over so that they could get some band practice in, but Will was adamant in his short responses that he didn’t have time, and that the band – and Nico by extension – would have to wait.

The next cause of Nico’s stress was Annabeth, Percy’s girlfriend.

He had one of those.

He hadn’t seen her since the party, obviously, but she remained in the back of his head throughout his impossible math textbook problems and through numerous episodes of _Mama’s Boy, Daddy’s Nightmare_. Even the one where Chelsea leaves her gross fiancé at the altar. Nico had always loved that one.

Even as his eyes followed the action on screen, the images he saw were not of the beautiful wedding dress trailing down the aisle or the extravagant wedding cake. They most definitely did not portray Chelsea herself, beautiful as ever, whispering the word “ _No_ ,” causing the priest to catch his breath, the nearby candles flickering in tandem with his shock. Instead Nico saw Annabeth leaning against Percy’s locker, laughing as he juggled a book.

While Chelsea’s fiancé’s eyes turned stormy, and the bewildered families began to whisper from the pews, Nico could only see Percy stooping down to press a kiss to Annabeth’s forehead, her hand nuzzling his chin and then touching his lips. It made Nico’s insides churn like a mill, and he had no interest in eating dinner when his father announced that the burgers were ready and he’d better peel his butt off the couch if he didn’t want to become part of it.

“I’m not hungry,” Nico snapped, falling to his seat in a huff. He crossed his arms, both in an attempt to look angry and also to warm them up. The house was damn cold.

“Sucks,” his father replied chirpily, dropping a plate in front of him. “I guess this burger has come to you at a very inconvenient time.”

“Stop mocking me.”

“I’m not mocking you, Nico.”

His father lowered slowly into his own seat, seeming to eye Nico inquisitively. His irises were the darkest Nico had ever seen, contrasting with the paleness of his skin and the clear whites of his eyes. Nico was grateful that his mom had been Italian – he would’ve hated to have skin that color of near translucence. He _had_ inherited the dark hair, although his had more shape to it than his father’s. When he let it get long (which he did as often as he could, in order to hide the redness that his ears tended to adopt when he was flustered), it had gentle waves. His sister’s hair had been the same, and it had looked beautiful on her.

The thought of his sister made his stomach tighten, and suddenly the burger in front of him was nauseating. His father seemed to sense it in his expression.

“Are you alright, Nico?” he asked tentatively.

Nico couldn’t lie; part of him wanted to come clean. He wanted to tell his father everything about his mixed feelings for Percy and the events of The Party (yes, he was giving it a proper name now, to distinguish it from the other parties Nico wouldn’t be invited to). He wanted to tell his father that he didn’t understand any of his math homework, that Will was mad at him for some unknown reason, and that he couldn’t find any semblance of a distraction from the thoughts of Annabeth that plagued his mind, leeching away every last bit of energy from his frail little bones. He might have been born with that olive, Italian skin, but his face was surely as pale as his father’s right then, as the nausea overtook him. As he stood sharply from his seat and took long strides toward the bathroom, clutching his mouth with both hands, it occurred to him that there was something else he wanted to tell his father.

He missed Bianca.

The panic attack in Percy’s car had triggered something; a relapse of sorts that grabbed him by the heart and yanked him through long hallways of old memories and slightly-less-old sorrows. As he emptied his lunch in the hall bathroom, he suddenly found that it wasn’t Annabeth’s face in his head anymore, it was Bianca’s.

And behind both those beautiful faces, the curly hair, whether it be blonde and in ringlets or dark and in lose waves, Nico could only see his own reflection. His own _guilt_.

“Son.”

His father’s voice came from the door. Those black eyes looked down on him, not with the pity of the gym coach or the other kids at school, but with something familiar that Nico recognized. His father blinked irregularly, walking over and kneeling down beside him. Nico was coughing, his throat burning as if it had been charred by scalding oil. A cold hand touched his back and it caused his shoulder blades to stiffen, goose bumps scampering across his skin. That hand attempted to rub his back comfortingly, but ended up just jolting up his spine, like a mechanism mimicking emotion.

Nico didn’t acknowledge that, though. Instead he just flushed the toilet, spitting a few times for good measure. He never met his father’s eyes, equal parts unnerved by and grateful for the man’s bizarre attempt at compassion.

“Why don’t you skip school tomorrow.” The suggestion came in a quiet voice. “I can try and help you with homework.”

Nico nodded once. Twice. He didn’t try to understand how his father knew about his homework situation. Instead he rose shakily to his feet, ignoring the stars that crowded his eyes. Dizzily, he gargled some water from the sink. When the gross taste in his mouth had faded substantially, he stood straight and faced the mirror, finding that his father was no longer behind him. He heard silverware clanking in the kitchen, slower than usual. Nico could practically hear his father thinking.

He was undoubtedly trying to understand him: trying to figure out how a man who reads the entire newspaper front to back, watches horrible soap operas, and drinks a single sugarless coffee at six in the morning _every_ morning could possibly help a broken boy whose marbles were strewn all across the floor and whose lunch was in the plumbing. Nico knew that his father was struggling – he knew because the man was a eating a burger cold and slowly, as if the flavor didn’t matter. That wasn’t his father.

Nico watched the man’s contemplative expression as he passed the kitchen and headed upstairs to brush his teeth. He watched those black eyes find a spot on the table to focus on, and not let go.

*             *             *

                The next morning, Nico made it to sixteen pushups. It was a goal he’d held ever since he’d made it to ten, and as his arms stung from the effort, he couldn’t help but smile. It was nine in the morning; about the time his father used to wake him up for homeschooling before he decided to return to the public school system. It was nice to feel fully rested for once, and Nico felt slightly more energized than usual as he padded down the stairs, his stomach grumbling loudly in response to the amazing smell of pancakes.

His father was sitting in the kitchen when Nico walked in, his dark hair sticking up in all directions, the whites of his eyes looking bizarrely red. What looked like Nico’s math textbook was open in front of him, pages of scribbled scrap paper splayed around him like a fan. A stack of pancakes sat in the center of the table, and three more pancakes looked to be burning on the griddle. Nico hurried over to get them off, eyeing his father concernedly.

“Dad?”

“Nico!” His dad seemed to shoot upright. “Good morning. Sorry, I didn’t hear you come down.”

“You look exhausted.”

“Oh, I was up late.”

Nico pursed his lips, watching as his father attempted to smooth his hair with no luck. “Did you even sleep?”

He seemed to check the kitchen clock for the first time. “I guess not.”

Nico shook his head, juggling the scalding pancake between his hands as he carried it over to the trash. He couldn’t think of any time when his father had pulled an all-nighter. It was more than likely that he hadn’t since he was a doctor. Nico frowned as he sat down opposite the man, pulling the pancakes towards him.

“Are you learning my math?”

His father nodded slowly, not looking up from the textbook. “Yes, I am almost to lesson four.” He sighed. “This is difficult, Nico. I did not prepare you for this level of academics.”

 _You didn’t prepare me for any level of academics_ , Nico thought to himself.

“I’m sorry for that.”

Nico met his father’s eyes, seeing for the first time how incredibly red they were. The man’s hands seemed to be shaking as well, likely an effect of the empty coffee pot by the sink and the lack of food on the table in front of him.

“Why don’t you get breakfast,” Nico suggested. “Then, take a nap, and you can teach me the math tonight.”

His father seemed about to protest but then his stomach grumbled at a ridiculous volume and slowly, his lips spread into a grin. Nico chuckled.

“That sounds like a good plan, son,” his father sighed.

Nico slid the plate over to him and they chewed their pancakes in harmony, occasionally making conversation about television and public school. Nico hadn’t seen much of his dad since school had started, and he was grateful for those few minutes of conversation. To his surprise, he found himself actually looking forward to his math tutoring session later. His anxieties from the day before, although present in the back of his mind, were no longer clutching him by the throat. Maybe it was the full night of sleep.

For the rest of the day, Nico worked on other homework and practiced his guitar for a little while, surprised when the chirp of his phone interrupted a particularly horrible attempt at a hard riff. He practically ran over to where it was charging, and a smile spread over his face when he saw that it was from Will.

_You missed a super fun time in gym today._

The three emojis at the end appeared only as boxes on Nico’s not-an-iPhone but they made him happy nonetheless. The text felt slightly like a peace offering, as if Will knew that they would never be able to address what had happened the night before, and he wanted them to move past it. Nico was grateful that Will had taken the initiative, as he didn’t think he would’ve been able to.

He texted with Will for the rest of the day, until he sat down with his father to go over math concepts, and the man insisted that he leave it on the other side of the kitchen. As it turned out, this was a smart move, because the math took all of their concentration, and even then, they only got halfway through lesson two (Nico’s class was about finished with lesson four). Still, as the algebra began to make sense in Nico’s head, he felt much better than he had before, crossing off old homework problems with the swish of his black pen. Before they called it quits for the night, his father had made him laugh three times in three hours, which was basically a record. When Nico woke up the next morning for school, he did twenty pushups.

As he chewed his stale, sugary cereal at the breakfast table soon after, he couldn’t help feeling like he was forgetting something. He couldn’t figure out if he hadn’t completed a piece of homework or recorded an episode of _Cutthroat Kitchen_ , until there was a honk from outside, and suddenly that stale cereal turned to mush in his mouth. He was about to see Percy for the first time since The Party.

The expletives that he muttered under his breath made his father look up from his newspaper.

“Something wrong, Nico?” he asked with a bemused eyebrow raise.

“No.”

As he grabbed his backpack and strode out the door, trying to slow down his heart (which seemed to think he was running a marathon), he could feel his father’s eyes on his back, trying to put the puzzle pieces together. Nico could only pray he wouldn’t figure it out.

Percy’s headlights were mildly blinding when Nico stepped out of his house. He felt almost as if he were on a stage. As he approached Percy’s car, making eye contact with him through the window, he could already feel the blush ebbing in his cheeks, his lips beginning to tingle, as if remembering. He slid into the car, and Percy grinned at him.

“Hey, you! Missed you yesterday.”

“I was sick,” Nico stated, hoping Percy wouldn’t ask “ _with what?_ ”.

Thankfully, Percy didn’t press, but instead began to talk about the movie he’d seen over the weekend with Annabeth, and how it was _soooo awesome_. After a while, Nico began to tune him out, simply smiling and nodding at the right times. He was vaguely aware of the conversation switching to all the cleaning that Percy had to do on Saturday, but only as Percy pulled into the school did he actually begin to listen.

“And it was super weird though, cuz my collection of marbles from when I was twelve had spilled, and they were all over my bedroom floor. I don’t even know how that happened, I mean…”

Nico’s stomach jerked so quickly he bit his tongue. He remembered knocking over that jar when they had been alone upstairs in Percy’s bedroom. Percy must have been too drunk to remember. That left a sour taste in Nico’s mouth, but he swallowed. Luckily, Percy hadn’t noticed him jump; he just kept talking, unaware of Nico’s internal crisis.

“And I had this weird dream that night, too. I think it might’ve been the alcohol – it affects me weird, I guess.” His voice was suddenly quieter. He parked. Other kids spilled around the car, starting towards the building, but neither Nico nor Percy moved. Nico’s heart was slamming against the back of his seat. Percy appeared lost in thought.

“Weird,” Nico said after a moment, and his voice cracked.

“I dreamt that I was in my room after the party,” Percy continued, “But I wasn’t alone. It was really dark in there.”

Nico couldn’t help but ask, “Do you remember anything else?”

Percy nodded slowly. “Yeah, I was sitting on the ground with someone by the window, and I had my head on their shoulder.”

 _I remember,_ Nico almost said.

“Don’t tell Annabeth, but I remember kissing them–”

 _I won’t tell her_ , Nico assured him.

“—And then we leaned backed and knocked those marbles over. But I know that that didn’t actually happen.”

“How do you know?”

Percy looked over and met his eyes. “Well. I know because – in the dream – the person I kissed was your sister.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The movie Percy and Annabeth saw was Jurassic World in case you were wondering (I haven't seen it yet but apparently it's fab)!


	8. Breaking the Cycle

Nico tried to keep his emotions in check. He really did.

He swallowed the sour split that was pooling in his mouth, grabbed his backpack from the car floor, and started towards the school, barely offering Percy a _goodbye,_ because he couldn’t. He knew that he couldn’t look at the kid without breaking.

He walked through the parking lot in a daze, barely aware of the cars that weren’t planning on letting him pass and the other kids that stood in his way. For once, the noise of the school didn’t reach his ears. But everything else was loud. His breathing was amplified in his ears; his heartbeat was overpowering. His thoughts were the worst – no, his _memories_ , careening through his head and shouting.

Even if Nico got over the kiss at The Party, he would only be scraping the surface. He’d known Percy since he was young, and he couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t idolized him. He was older. Masculine. Percy was always into those fighting games, convincing Nico to battle him with Nerf guns or compete with him in video games. The thing was, Nico couldn’t compete. He wasn’t athletic like Percy, and his little thumbs didn’t get the hand of video games until Percy didn’t have the time to play with him anymore. Even still, Percy played with him. It didn’t matter that Nico wasn’t any good.

For a while, Nico’s crush didn’t change much about their relationship. He was still just as awkward and lost at video games just as often. He kept his feelings quiet, enjoying his time with Percy and quietly admiring him behind the safe title of ‘friends’. The Accident was when everything shattered. All of those pent up feelings and emotions popped like an inflated balloon.

Percy was driving the car when the truck killed Bianca.

Percy was drunk when the truck killed Bianca.

Percy killed Bianca.

The connection sent him deeper into his hole, farther away from his family and farther away from any semblance of sanity. How could someone so perfect in his eyes cause him so much pain? How could his best friend be responsible for his spiraling mental stability? It took him several years to answer the question. And even then, he still couldn’t get over Percy, because Percy refused to ostracize him.

A bicycle came close to hitting Nico in the leg, but he barely noticed. He didn’t know if the sides of his vision were turning fuzzy, or if he was just incredibly focused on those front doors, tuning out the extraneous. He made it inside and started for the gym, though the bell didn’t ring for another few minutes.

Even knowing that the kiss meant nothing to Percy, Nico could begin to feel himself forgiving him, moving back into his old cycle of silently wishing that Percy loved him. He knew that it was a trap, and that Percy would never think of him like Nico thought of Percy; but he’d spent almost his entire life in that cycle, and it wasn’t something he could easily break.

He grasped the doorknob, turned it, and was surprised to find the gym empty. The lights were all out except one in the back, illuminating the climbing wall from above, making it look even taller than before. It occurred to Nico only then that he had missed a day of school. He had gym tomorrow. But the doors to the gym swung shut behind him, and the bell rang, and as footsteps and voices echoed on the other side of those doors, Nico realized that he didn’t want to leave.

He watched and waited for the halls to empty completely, listening to the slow tick of the clock on the wall beside him. He didn’t know if tears were blurring his eyes or if time was passing in a blur. When the halls had emptied, he turned. The climbing wall stood looming. Nico brushed a hand beneath his eyes before stepping forward.

The harnesses were dangling from the rope, two faded colors with rusted buckles. Nico adjusted the blue one quickly, yanking the rope once to test the mechanism. It worked without the teacher holding the other end. _Good_. His blood was pounding in his ears again, but this time he wasn’t on the verge of tears. No, this time he was angry.

He was angry at Percy, not for killing Bianca, but for stealing so much of his life and his energy. Nico had so little energy, and he wasted so much on one boy.

He was angry at his father, not for acting so passive about the losses in his life, but for hiding his emotions away until now. He always valued his own mask of strength over the needs of his own son.

And lastly, he was angry at himself for being so weak. _Weak_. His own voice rang in his head and it had so many different applications, that Nico’s eyes began to water. _Weak_. He was helpless – on his own in a large room without anyone to comfort him; stupid – infatuated with a boy who didn’t even like boys; and _weak_ – unable to stop loving him despite _everything_.

The final bell for class rang and Nico grit his teeth.

He couldn’t be weak anymore.

The first few handholds were larger than Nico remembered, easy for his hands to grasp. He raised himself a few feet off the ground within a few seconds, pausing to evaluate his options. He couldn’t tell if the knobs got smaller higher on the wall, or if it was just so tall that they appeared that way. He reached for one and felt his arms strain with the effort. There was no way he could do this.

But he had to. He knew that he had to make it up the climbing wall or else everything was a waste, and he was just as weak as his mind kept telling him. He reached forward and clasped another handhold, yanking his body upward with more strength than he’d felt in his body in a long time. It hurt.

Sweat began to prickle along his spine as he started towards the next knob, not allowing himself to look upwards, cheating, and then grimacing at all he had left to climb. His right foot found a knob, and then his left. His leg muscles were taut. His right hand found a larger handhold and he yanked himself again, ignoring the perspiration forming along his hairline. His left hand and foot each found a new place and he was beginning to smile at himself – at his strength.

“Nico.”

The voice was so loud and so out of place among his thoughts, that Nico jerked. As if remembering his last attempt, his foot slipped beneath him and his knee slammed into the wall. Nico grimaced, certain he was bleeding. He managed to regain his balance, but didn’t turn around.

“Leave me alone.”

There was a pause. “I can’t,” the person replied.

“Why not?”

Will cleared his throat. “Because you always have to have a spotter.”

Nico glared at the wall, feeling the rope pull on his harness as Will tightened it. “Get lost, Will. I don’t need a spotter, and I don’t need you.”

“What’s wrong with you, man?”

Nico felt his eyes well up, and it just made him angry. “Could you just let me deal with this?” He knew Will could tell he was crying, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want help. He wanted to do this alone.

His voice softened. “I want to help you, Nico.”

“Get off the rope, Will.”

“Please let me help you.”

“I said, _get off the rope_!”

His voice echoed in the huge room. After a moment, the rope slackened. Nico heard Will step back.

“Fine. But I’m not leaving,” Will said quietly.

“See if I care.”

Slightly grateful for the moment to catch his breath, Nico reached for another handhold, trying to ignore Will standing below him and how the other boy’s presence made him nervous. He began to move slowly up the climbing wall, using his anger as fuel. _Weak. Weak_. The word echoed in his head like the voices in the gym. The distance between Nico and the top of the wall was getting shorter, but his arms were losing strength, beginning to shake from the effort. Will was silent beneath him. For all Nico knew, he had left.

He was four feet from the top. His shin was warm with blood from his knee, but it barely stung. Sweat was dripping down his back now. He grasped a handhold and pulled. Three feet. Percy’s face flashed in his mind – his bright smile from when they were kids. It hurt Nico’s heart. Two feet. He sat with Percy in a tent in his backyard. He shined a flashlight in his eyes and giggled when Percy tackled him in response. One foot. He held Percy’s face in his hand and pressed his mouth to Percy’s, cloaked in the moonlight of his bedroom. Percy’s pulse was speeding against Nico’s fingers.

But Percy didn’t remember.

_Weak_.

Nico’s foot slipped and he plummeted.

He heard Will call his name. He heard the air rushing past his ears, hissing at him, accusing him. He clawed at nothing and kicked the wall, but all he did was slam into it. He felt the mechanism finally react, and the rope tightened. He felt hands grasp his shoulders. When he opened his eyes, he was suspended a foot off the ground, and Will was on his knees, clutching Nico to his chest.

“ _You were so close_.” The words came in a whisper.

Will’s fingers were practically clawing his back, yanking him closer. His breathing was loud in Nico’s ear, as if Will had been the one pulling his own weight up that climbing wall.

“You were so close,” Will repeated, scooching back so Nico could get out of the harness. Their eyes met for a moment, and Nico swallowed.

As far as Nico was concerned, he had done it. After years and years of being stuck in that cycle, he had finally broken it.

*             *             *

When Will came over for band practice that afternoon, Nico expected it to be awkward. However, it was surprisingly comfortable. Percy had to stay after school to retake a test, so Nico’s father picked them up from the ‘Kiss and Ride’ in his sleek black sports car. While Nico felt himself blushing as other kids pointed and whispered, Will practically strutted up to the car, flipping his hair for good measure. Nico grinned and rolled his eyes.

After he had unattached himself from the climbing wall, they’d snuck past the security guard and gotten to the bathroom, opting to hide out there rather than showing up to class without a pass. When Nico asked how Will had found him in the gym, Will had explained that he’d called his name as he was walking into school. When Nico hadn’t responded, Will had followed him.

 “Why did you want to climb it so bad?” Will asked when they were sitting on the gross tile floor in the men’s room, Nico with a rough, brown paper towel against his knee.

“I just wanted to,” was his only response.

“That’s not an answer.”

Nico shrugged. “I just needed to prove to myself that I could do it.”

Will turned to him. “And are you satisfied?”

Nico sighed. “I guess.”

The bell had rung not long after, and they had decided to meet after school. Will was going to contact the Stolls.

The song they decided to try was “Move Along” by Green Day, and thankfully Nico was already familiar with the chords. It was pretty good for Will’s range as well.

“Maybe we should just be a Green Day cover band,” Travis joked while pretending his drumstick was a lightsaber.

“I’d be alright with that,” Connor mentioned.

Will shrugged. “I think we’d get bored after a while.”

The brothers gasped in harmony.

“ _What_?”

“ _Never,_ William!”

Will shook his head, meeting Nico’s eyes and chuckling.

Surprising, Nico felt closer to Will after the events of that morning, and he was grateful that Will hadn’t been judgmental. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed Will over the weekend.

“Let’s run Green Day again,” Will suggested, adjusting the mic for the fifth time that afternoon. “Then, is your dad ordering pizza again, Nico?”

“ _Yes!_ ” The voice came from upstairs.

“You’re the best, Mr. A!” Travis shouted.

“ _I know!_ ” the voice replied, and Nico cringed.

Connor raised his arms above his head, pretending to stretch and slowly made his way over to Will, eventually cornering him and tackling him onto the couch. Travis shouted “ _dogpile_ ” and leapt over instruments to join them. Will attempted to say something, but it came out muffled due to Travis’s thigh being on his face. Nico thought it was something about the youngest being on the bottom.

“Care to join us, Nico?” Connor offered, extending an arm.

“I’m fine right where I am.”

“We might snap him in half,” Travis noted.

In that moment, Nico found himself grateful for both his size and for his incredible new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr at altessah.tumblr.com! Thanks for reading :)


	9. Silver Diner and Sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's definitely possible that I haven't updated this in a year... Sorry about that. But I'm determined to finish it! Here's chapter 9.

Nico and Will were seated behind desks in their gym clothes, listening to a lecture on how to properly prevent the transfer of STDs, when Will suddenly sat upright as if he had been electrically shocked.

“ _Dude_ ,” Nico hissed, eyeing the teacher nervously.

Will kissed his cell phone, which he had been hiding behind his desk, before puffing up his cheeks and doing a dance that made Nico raise an eyebrow.

“ _What?_ ” Nico insisted.

Will held up a finger, asking Nico to hold on, and ripped a page from his notebook to scribble a note. When he passed it to Nico, Nico unfolded it quickly.

_1 of Travis’s senior friends wants us to play at his homecoming partay!!_

Nico blinked and read it again. And again. Once more until he could fully understand the words. “Music?” he mouthed back.

Will rolled his eyes. “No, _gin rummy_. Yes, music.”

“ _Wow_ ,” Nico whispered.

“ _I know_ ,” Will whispered back. He frowned. “ _We have to practice_.”

“ _Yeah._ ”

“Nico and Will – is there something you’d like to share with the rest of us?” The coach was staring them down, his hands placed firmly on his hips.

“Yes sir!” Will piped up. “Nico’s and my band will be playing at Nick Lantoya’s house after the homecoming game. Be there or be square. Also chlamydia is bad.”

The coach furrowed his brow. “We haven’t gotten to that slide yet.”

“Whoops.”

“Pay attention.”

The rest of the day passed pretty quickly. Nico had gotten a ride from his father again that morning upon request, but he had been denied the luxury for the afternoon, so he would be forced to sit through a car ride with Percy, which would be incredibly awkward. Nico couldn’t help but wonder if Percy would ever remember what had happened between them the night of The Party, and if so, how would he treat Nico? He could only hope Percy wouldn’t be angry.

But when Nico got into Percy’s jeep that afternoon, Percy was as chipper as usual, if not more so. He had apparently just gotten back a good grade on a Biology test, and was incredibly excited about it.

“I studied my _ass_ off for this thing, man!”

“I believe you, Percy.”

“I made flash cards and everything!”

“Wow,” Nico replied.

Percy looked over and grinned, those green eyes shining against the backdrop of brown foilage. The sight might have made Nico’s stomach ache deep down, but he recognized that something was different now. He recognized that now he had control over these feelings that used to manipulate him like he was a puppet.

“Do you want to go get ice cream?” Percy asked, grinning crookedly with his left arm hanging out the window.

Nico looked away. “Ahh, I don’t know. I kinda want to get home.”

“Aww, you sure man? I would love some ice cream right now!”

Nico thought about the climbing wall and how it felt to pull his weight behind him all the way, nearly to the top. He swallowed. “I’m sorry, Perce. I don’t think I can today.”

“I understand buddy.” Percy patted his shoulder. Then he turned up the radio and sang along loudly to the song that played.

When Nico opened the garage and already felt as if he was stepping inside a refrigerator, he knew something was wrong. Sure enough, he pushed open the door, and a blast as frigid as Jack Frost’s passed gas slammed him in the face, sending his teeth chattering. He practically shouted for his dad.

“In here!”

Nico followed the sound upstairs into the office, where he hadn’t seen his dad set foot in years. He was bent over boxes, sifting through papers, his hair a mess and his tie astray.

“Dad? What are you doing in here?”

The man looked up from his files and smiled politely at his son. “Hello, Nico. I’m just going through some old things. Figured it’s about time.” He smiled slightly. “Look what I found.”

He thrust out a picture. Nico took it gingerly, inspecting it closely. It was an old photograph, slightly worn around the edges by a water leak and age. But the image itself was clear. It was of a beautiful young woman in a flowing white shirt with a toddler perched on her hip and a young girl holding her hand. The woman was smiling slightly at the camera, as if she didn’t want to be in the picture, but did it to appease the taker. Her hair was long and dark and wavy, just like Bianca’s.

“Is this Mom?” Nico asked quietly, suddenly holding the paper more carefully.

His father nodded slowly, smiling at the corners of his mouth. “Maria.”

“She was beautiful.”

“She was.”

“Can I keep this?”

His father nodded.

Nico started to leave but stopped. “If you find any more pictures – or anything of importance – will you show me?”

The man nodded. “Sure, son.”

Nico frowned. “You have some dust on your butt, Dad.”

He frowned and turned to look. “You’re right,” he muttered.

Nico left to do homework. However, he kept the picture of his mother next to him, and every few minutes he would stop studying math and would look over at it, study the woman’s face or look at his big sister. He loved that picture. He examined every aspect of the background; they stood in front of a pale house with a rusted looking trim. There appeared to be a little graffiti. He wanted to ask his dad where this was taken.

He texted Will about band practice, scheduling a lot of new hours for that week and the next, as homecoming was coming up quickly, and they did not know very many songs at _all._ Regardless, Nico was confident that they would be able to pull it together.

On Thursday only Will and Connor came over for practice, as Travis had some incredibly important history test to study for. Everything they played sounded slightly lacking without their bassist, but they managed. After spending the first half of their rehearsal coming up with a good set list, Nico learned chords and Will learned lyrics and Connor tittered around until it sounded good, as they ran several songs. After six o’ clock passed and Nico’s dad did not appear with the promise of pizza, Connor suggested he drive them to Silver Diner. With their stomachs growling in harmony, they followed him out.

“I’m just completely drawing a blank,” Connor sighed, dipping a fry into his shake. He chewed it sadly. “There aren’t any pretty girls in this school.”

“Apparently not,” Will replied with a smirk.

“What does that mean, Solace?”

“Well… maybe your standards are just too high.”

“Maybe you’re just a dickhead.”

“These are all hypotheticals,” Nico cut in.

“What about your lab partner?” Will asked. “You always talk about how cute she is.”

“True,” Connor pointed a fry at him. “But I might just have a thing for safety goggles.”

Will half laughed, half snorted into his cheeseburger, which caused a ruckus loud enough to make the old ladies a table over glare at them. Nico didn’t care.

“What about you guys?” Connor asked after they calmed down. “Plan on asking anyone?”

They were both quiet. “I wasn’t gonna go,” Nico said.

“Oh come on,” Connor complained.

“Yeah, me either,” said Will. “Gotta rest them vocal chords before the big gig.”

“Just go with someone quiet,” Connor persisted. “Like Nico. You should go with Nico.”

Nico felt his ears going red, but he tried to smirk.

“Problem solved,” Will muttered, shoving the last bite of his burger into his mouth.

“You guys can come over to my place before the gig,” Nico said. “Tell Travis he’s welcome as well.”

“Naw, Travis is asking Katie Gardner.”

Will snorted. “So I’m guessing we’ll be seeing him at Nico’s then.”

Connor frowned. “No, I think she’ll say yes. Out of pity, at least.”

Will shook his head. “She’ll never go with him, I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.”

Connor raised an eyebrow. “You want to bet on it?”

“Fine.”

He grinned. “Loser has to lick Nico’s face.”

Will swallowed. “You’re on.”

“Wait, do I even get to—”

They shook on it.

Nico leaned back in his seat, glaring at Connor’s content face. “Really?”

“It’s what you get for not taking part.”

“True,” Will put in.

Nico just shook his head, trying not to smile but failing.

When they were finished eating, Connor drove Will home, and then dropped Nico off, pretending to lick his face as he pulled himself off the passenger seat. He was still chuckling to himself as he stepped inside the house, feeling goosebumps rise on his arms. He swore he could see his breath.

“Dad?”

It was too cold. There was no way he could sleep like this. He grabbed a sweatshirt from the table and threw it on, brushing his too-long hair out of his eyes.

“ _Dad?_ ”

There was a low groan from the living room. Nico could hear the television. Frowning he hurried in.

“Dad? What are you…?” He trailed off.

His father sat facing him in the leather armchair, wearing a white t-shirt Nico had never seen before. His father’s arms were pale, reflecting the blue light of the television that played an Italian soap opera. His father was surrounded by empty bottles of beer and old photographs, as if he was the tornado and they were the wreckage. His red eyes blinked irregularly, going in and out of focus.

“Dad,” Nico whispered. “Are you okay?”

His father swallowed, dropping the bottle that was clinging to his fingertips. It spilled on the carpet, seeping over several photographs.

“Nico,” his dad mumbled. “Nico, I can’t.”

“What did you say?” He stared at his father, blinded by the paleness of his arms, horrorstruck by the sadness in his eyes.

“I can’t…”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t stand to be without her anymore.”

The words sat between them, hovered over the photographs and bottles. Nico opened his mouth once. Twice. He’d spoken more in the past month than he had in the previous twelve, but he couldn’t find one word that he could use to teach his father what he didn’t even understand.

His father’s lip quivered, and he clasped his hands together. “I miss her more than I ever thought…”

His mouth twitched again and his hand jerked towards the fallen bottle. He grasped it and drained what was left of it in one swig, before placing it on the table beside him with a noise so loud, Nico was afraid it would shatter.

“ _Why did she have to die?_ ”

Nico jumped backwards in surprise. His own hands were beginning to shake, the goosebumps still covering his arms.

“Dad, I—”

“ _Why did she have to…_ Goddamn it Nico, I don’t know what I’m doing. I… I don’t know what these people are even saying.” He motioned to the television. “It just reminds me of her, okay? It reminds me of Mar—” He buried his face in his hands.

Nico couldn’t tell if he was breathing heavily or sobbing, but he didn’t think that he would be able to stand to see his father cry, so he ran upstairs, almost tripping on the top step. His heart was racing. It felt like someone was kicking him in the head.

The familiarity of it was what hurt the most.

When Bianca died, Nico fell apart. He took his memories of her and placed them in pieces on the floor in front of him and cried until his stomach hurt. The only thing one he could rely on at that point in time was his father. His dad was his rock – he was stoic throughout the whole year, to the point where Nico worried that he didn’t care enough. He had cared. Nico understood now. His father cared that Bianca died because he had lost his wife around a decade earlier and he couldn’t stand to endure that pain again.

His father was so good at pretending that things didn’t bother him. When Nico broke dishes in frustration or screamed at his father for not caring enough, he simply told Nico in a calm voice that he should take a nap or a bath or eat something. But the dam had finally broken. And Nico couldn’t be a rock for his father like his father had been for him; he was far too weak.

He buried his face in his pillow and wished idly that he could call Will. But Will wouldn’t understand. He would crack a joke and make Nico laugh, and then Nico would be in the same position as before, except he’d be dealing with even more emotions swirling around in his head. Emotions he didn’t understand. No, he would have to deal with this on his own, despite how knotted his stomach became at the thought of his father crying. Clutching his blanket to his chest, he shuddered. It was freezing. It was a long time before he was able to fall asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The next chapter should be up at some point -- I won't be following any sort of regular schedule, I'm sorryyyyy. If you're looking for more fic, follow me on tumblr at altessah.tumblr.com :)


	10. The Show Must Go On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy so I may have gone another year with out updating again... whoops. But I am GOING to finish this story! Thanks to anyone who's commented or messaged me on Tumblr since the last update. Your thoughts really mean a lot!!

“You look like death,” Will remarked on Friday afternoon as he jumped up Nico’s front stoop and breezed through the door. Autumn was beginning to settle in the trees, and a few dead leaves trailed after him as he hurried inside.

“Thanks,” Nico mumbled, following Will towards the basement. He could hear Connor and Travis tittering around on their respective instruments from upstairs.

“What’s up, man?” Will asked, a hint of concern in his voice. He was standing in front of the stairwell, purposefully blocking the way.

“Nothing,” Nico replied unconvincingly.

Will just raised an eyebrow and didn’t move.

Nico sighed. “Ugh, okay fine. I’m just… nervous about the gig. That’s all.”

Will looked skeptical at first, but seemed to decide to believe him. “Of course. I forgot you’ve never performed in front of a crowd before.”

“Yeah,” Nico replied, keeping his eyes downcast.

“Hey, it’s okay, man,” Will insisted, patting his shoulder with only a slight awkwardness. “You’re gonna do great. You’re an awesome guitarist.” He smiled cheesily.

“Thanks.”

With a pat on the shoulder, Will turned on his heel and hurried down the stairs.

The moment that Nico’s foot hit the last stair, the Stolls grabbed him by the arms and practically threw him to the ground, knocking his head on the floor in the process.

“ _Ow_ – Connor, what the hell?”

“WE”VE GOT HIM PINNED, SOLACE!”

“IT’S NOW OR NEVER, BUDDY!”

“ _WE CAN’T HOLD THE BEAST BACK MUCH LONGER!”_

Will looked perplexed for half a second, and then he sighed. “Ahh. I forgot about this.”

“What? Will, what’s going on?” Nico strained to pull his arms out of Connor’s grasp, but the man had him thoroughly pinned. As if reading Nico’s mind, Travis sat on his feet.

Will offered a dramatic sigh. “You see, I got the text in third period. I somehow forgot.”

“Forgot what?” Nico demanded.

Shaking his head with intense solemnity, Will took out his phone, pulled something up, and then displayed it to Nico, whose eyes took a second to focus on the text message.

_KATIE GARDNER SAID YES TO ME, BITCHEZ!!_

_Awww yeah now willy has to lick nico’s face!_

_Nooooo omg_

His cheeks tinted slightly pink, Will put his phone back in his pocket and sighed. “Here goes nothing.”

As Nico struggled to pull out of Connor’s death grip, Will cracked all his knuckles and then his neck.

“Did you guys _seriously_ mean that? Because I definitely do not remember you shaking on it. And let’s be real, if there’s not a handshake, then the bet didn’t happen. I don’t think that—”

Nico was interrupted by Will’s tongue sliding slowly across his cheek. He closed his eyes.

“You see? Easy.” Connor stood up and brushed his hands on his jeans. “Shall we practice?”

Travis stood up next, grinning ear-to-ear. “It’s been a good day.”

Will looked at the Stolls and sighed, before making uncomfortable eye contact with Nico. He offered him a hand. “Let’s practice, man. Also, you need to shave.”

Nico got up on his own and could not even let out a squeak.

As they played through the setlist, Nico found himself surprised at how good they sounded. While their first practices had mainly consisted of Nico being lost, Connor correcting Will’s pitch, and Travis trying to add cowbell to literally everything, the four of them had really pulled things together nicely. Nico’s fingers found the right chords without him needing to think about it, and Travis’s solos lasted the exact counts he was allotted—not twelve extra measures. Even Will seemed a lot more confident, letting one hand wave dramatically in the air instead of gluing it awkwardly to the microphone.

The other three seemed to be thinking the same thing as Nico, because they were all grinning and adding unnecessary dance moves and head bobs to their performances. As they finished up a rock rendition of _Love Me Now,_ Will turned around and met Nico’s eyes, and flashed him a wide smile, his cheeks bright pink and his hair a little sweaty. Feeling his insides squirm a little, Nico smiled back.

By the end of the rehearsal, they were all a little jittery. They’d run through every song twice with minimal mistakes (Connor had forgotten a key change and Will said “goat” instead of “gloat”), but it felt weird to just call it a day. It was the last rehearsal before the gig.

Nico could tell that Will was panicking a little because he kept reading over lyrics on his phone and mumbling them quickly under his breath. After a while, Travis and Connor decided to head home for dinner, packing up their instruments and slapping Nico and Will on the back as they headed up. Significantly sweatier than before, Will quietly asked Nico if he could hang around and practice part of one song where his lyrics lined up with a guitar riff.

“Will, we’ve practiced this bit like fifty times,” Nico said, exasperated, half an hour later. “I think we’ve got it down.”

Will shook his head. “I know, I know, I’m sorry. I just feel like this is my worst bit.”

 “But you’ve been playing it perfectly for the last twenty minutes!”

Will just scowled at the microphone. “I just know that this is what I’m gonna screw up.”

“Who says you’re gonna screw anything up?” Nico set his guitar down against the couch and collapsed, yawning into a cushion.

“I always screw up at least once,” Will stated. “And it’s always the part that I practice a million times. In the moment I just freak out and forget what I’m doing.”

Nico stretched and sat up. “Even if you do mess up, no one’s gonna notice. They’ll all be drunk off their asses.”

Will let his hand fall from the microphone. “You’re right.”

“Why are you so scared?” Nico asked after a moment, remembering Will’s confidence from earlier. “You’ve done this before, right?”

Will nodded slowly, walking away from the equipment to join Nico on the couch. He closed his eyes and put his head back on the cushion. “Yeah, I’ve done this stuff before. I guess it’s just never been this big of a crowd. And it’s never been people that are then gonna judge what I wear to school on Monday.”

“ _Seriously_?” Nico laughed. “Why do you care what they think about your clothes?”

Will opened his eyes and turned to him. “Of course I care, Nico. It’s freshman year of high school. I have to care because I’m gonna be seeing them every day for the next three and a half years of my life, and they can make those three and a half years as awesome or as miserable as they want.” He put his head back down. “I just don’t want them thinking I’m a dweeb.”

“They’re not gonna think you’re a dweeb for messing up one verse.”

Will shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe not. But it still stresses me out, okay?” He let out a slow breath. “Whatever. I don’t expect you to get it, anyway.”

Nico looked at him. “What? Why?”

Will lifted his head again. “I don’t know, man. That stuff just doesn’t seem to get to you. You just let it roll off your back. People gossip and whisper about how you were homeschooled, and your family, and the whole thing with you and Percy—”

“There’s not a _thing_ between me and Percy,” Nico cut in, his ears going red. His heart began to pound immediately. He knew people had found out. Someone had seen it and told someone else who’d told someone else. The whole school knew and thought he was some kind of creep who took advantage of drunk guys at parties.

“Whoa chill, I just meant the whole thing with your sister and all,” Will said, looking concerned. After a moment, his brow furrowed. “Wait, was there something else?”

Nico looked at the carpet. “No, sorry. I just… heard a rumor the other day.”

Unlike earlier, Will didn’t seem to buy his lie.

“Nico, what hap—”

“Nothing, Will. I don’t want to talk about it,” Nico huffed. He could feel that his face was beet red. “I get that you’re afraid of messing up and ruining your amazing reputation or whatever, but I can’t deal with this. I’ve got enough stress on my own about stuff that actually matters. I’m sorry I can’t run the same phrase with you a hundred freaking times.”

Will was silent for a minute, staring out into space. Nico didn’t look at him, just focused on the same stain in the carpet, trying not to think about the friendship he might have just ruined. After what felt like the longest silence, Will stood up, brushing off the seat of his pants.

“You know, Nico, I think you’d be a little less stressed out about stuff if you actually talked about things and didn’t just get mad when people don’t understand your depressing, complicated life.” He unplugged the microphone from the amp with more force than was necessary, and coiled the wire quickly around his arm. “It’s not that hard to open up, especially not to your best friend.”

He dropped the coiled wire on top of the amp and grabbed his backpack, still not making eye contact with Nico, who was still stuck to the couch, unable to find words.

“Thanks for having us over. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nico sat in the same position for about an hour, unable to find the motivation to get up.

*            *            *

The next day felt like it lasted an eternity.

Nico hadn’t been able to fall asleep the night before, partially because he was freaking out about the fight with Will, and partially because the house was still freezing. He hadn’t seen his dad since his drunken breakdown, and Nico couldn’t find the courage to seek him out. At around 3:30 in the morning, he heard his dad stomping down the stairs, probably to get food or another beer, but Nico fell asleep before he heard him return. The next day, he woke up a little past noon, sweating through the fifty blankets he’d wrapped around himself to fall asleep.

For a moment, all he could focus on was getting out of bed so he could cool down, but the moment he was standing groggily in his underwear, everything came flooding back.

His dad was a mess. Will hated his guts. The gig was today.

With a groan, Nico fell back on the bed, pressing his eyes closed to try and block it all out.

A while later, when he got the courage to check his phone, he found nothing from Will, but was surprised by a text from an unknown number. A weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, he opened it.

_Hey Nico—It’s Annabeth. I wanted to text you because Percy’s been freaking out about something that he thinks happened between you guys at that party the other day. He feels really bad and wants you to know that nothing was your fault. I 100% agree with him. Text me when you get this!_

Part of Nico wanted to puke. He had secretly hoped that Percy would never remember the details of that night. Nico’s age old crush could remain a secret that could never get out to the school and ruin him. Annabeth would never know that Percy had unknowingly been unfaithful.

But another part of Nico was relieved. After all, this scenario was probably for the better. Percy remembered. He didn’t hate him. Annabeth wasn’t mad. Everything had worked out in the best way that it could have, without anyone getting horribly hurt. Nico felt his chest loosen up as he texted Annabeth back.

_Thanks Annabeth. I’m sorry and I don’t blame him either._

He pressed send and immediately let out a heavy breath. Trying not to think about Will, he threw on some clothes, brushed his teeth, and headed down to get food.

When he passed his father’s room, he was surprised to find the door open. His dad always closed the door, even if he wasn’t inside. Nico could hear his loud snores from the other end of the hall. Nervously, he padded over and peered inside. His dad was passed out, face down on his bed, with what looked like a photo album beside him. A plate with half a pancake and some syrup was on his nightstand. There was still a light on.

While he was still concerned, Nico was relieved that his dad wasn’t still in that grimy white t-shirt and that there weren’t any empty bottles by the bed. Grabbing the dirty pancake plate, Nico headed downstairs.

The rest of the day was incredibly uneventful. He packed up his guitar and picked an outfit for that night. He took a long shower, shaved (per Will’s suggestion), and blow dried his hair so it wouldn’t be too flat. Connor texted Nico that he could pick him up at around 10:15.

_Are you picking up Will too?_

_Nah he said he’d just walk. He lives really close_

Nico felt his stomach tighten, irrationally wondering if Will was avoiding him. He wanted more than anything to text and apologize, but he just couldn’t find the courage. Will could still be angry. He should give him space.

That decision didn’t keep Nico from obsessively checking his phone over the course of the next few hours, pleading and pleading for something from Will. Nick Lantoya added him on Facebook to formally invite him to the event, but that was about it.

_“Hello Ladies and Gents! I’m pleased to invite you to what’s going to be the craziest event of the homecoming season! Are you fed up with teachers? Sick of homework? Exhausted from the pain that is living a grueling teenaged life? Then join us at 1300 Griggs St. after the homecoming dance to celebrate our spectacular loss at the game last night! We’ll have food, some live music, and all the booze you can ask for… provided you bring $5. Can’t wait to see you sick bastards there!!”_

There were close to two hundred people who said they were coming to the event, and Nico felt his palms begin to sweat as he scrolled through the list, recognizing some of Percy’s friends and not too many others. Sure enough, Percy and Annabeth said they were coming too, and the thought of them watching Nico perform made him feel nauseous again. He decided to wait to eat until dinner.

By the time that Nico got around to microwaving some leftover pizza, he’d heard his father moving around his room upstairs and the shower turned on. At around seven, his dad finally came downstairs.

“Mornin,” he joked, striding into the room and making a beeline for the fridge.

“Hey,” Nico replied in a mumble.

“Sleep well?” his father asked. “Sorry I had the thermostat so cold.”

“I’m used to it.”

His father grabbed a slice of pizza and plopped down at the table, eating it cold. He eyed Nico curiously, as if trying to gauge if he was mad. Nico pretended not to notice and chewed his crust.

“You’ve got a performance tonight, as I recall.”

“Yeah,” Nico said. “We’re playing at one of Travis’s friend’s homecoming parties.”

“Ahh, so it’s homecoming weekend then. Was the game last night?”

“Yeah, we lost.”

“Too bad,” his father said with a dramatic sigh. “And the dance is tonight then. Are you going?”

Nico laughed a little. “Nah, it’s not really my kind of thing.”

“But you could’ve gone with that Will boy! And your other friends of course.”

“We all just wanted to get ready for the gig,” Nico stated, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

“I understand.”

His dad chewed his pizza thoughtfully for a moment. Nico checked his phone for the billionth time. Nothing from Will. He let out another heavy breath.

“Well, good luck then,” said his father. “Do you need a ride?”

“Connor’s taking me.”

“Okay.” He smirked. “If you need a ride back— _for any reason_ —please let me know.”

Nico felt his ears get a little warm. “Okay.”

He could tell his father wanted to talk more, but thankfully, he got the message and left Nico to obsessively check his phone. The next three hours felt like a millennium; yet, when Connor’s headlights shined through the living room blinds, Nico still felt like he needed more time to emotionally prepare. He and Connor loaded the amps into the van, and after Nico shouted goodbye to his dad, they were on the road.

“You nervous?” he asked Connor after a long silence. The radio was playing a Fall out Boy song that they were going to play later.

“Yeah, a little,” admitted Connor. “I think I’m just gonna get a little buzzed before we go on so I won’t overthink anything.”

Nico frowned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Connor grinned. “I’ll be fine, don’t you worry your skinny little neck.”

Slightly more anxious than before, Nico sat back and shut up for the rest of the ride.

When they got to the house, Nick Lantoya greeted them at the door, grinning widely and clapping their backs harder than was entirely necessary.

“I’m so glad you guys are here! You’re gonna be a huge hit, I just know it!” He gripped each of their shoulders (Nico had a sneaking suspicion he was using them as a crutch), and led them into his kitchen.

His house was pretty big. Not as big as Nico’s but it could definitely hold two hundred people. Some of Nick’s buddies were in the kitchen, blaring some rap music while they poured different colored liquids into a huge cooler. Some of it splashed over the side, and Nico saw that it was a deep, bluish-greenish color.

“The stage is out back, so you can go ahead and get set up,” Nick told them. “We’ve got an extension cord running behind the stage with a huge power strip. Let me know if you need anything else. The drum set is already set up.”

“Where’s Will?” Connor asked.

One of the guys stirring the juice chuckled. “Your boy’s in the bathroom. Has been for the last ten minutes.”

Another guy with muscles bigger than his head laughed. “That kid’s an idiot. I think I love him.”

All four of them laughed, and Nick smiled at Will and Connor. “He should be good by eleven thirty. He just got a bit of a head start.”

“Puke and rally,” one of the guys mumbled, and the others nodded in agreement.

“Oh jeez,” Connor mumbled under his breath, heading for what must have been the bathroom.

Nico didn’t move, just stared at the guys as they poured more weird liquids into the cooler, rapping along to the loud music. Some of the cabinets behind them were zip-tied shut. So was the fridge. _What did they mean about Will getting a head start?_ Nico thought, beginning to panic. _Puke and rally? Is he okay?_

As if answering his question, Will practically exploded into the room, an empty can falling from his hand onto the ground. Just as Nico turned, Will slipped a little on the floor and nearly collided with him as he went in for a huge bear hug.

“ _Nico_!” Will shouted in his ear. “My man! The lord, the legend! What is _up_?”

Thoroughly startled, Nico pulled away from the hug, staring at the stain on the collar of Will’s black shirt. Nervously, he asked, “Hey Will, how are you?”

“I’m doing good, my man.” He let out a loud, long burp, accidentally kicked his left foot with his right, and started to collapse, so that Nico and Connor had to grab him by the arms to keep him upright. The other guys watched from the kitchen and laughed.

As they dragged a babbling Will around to sit on the couch, Connor met Nico’s eyes and shook his head, his eyes seeming to say something along the lines of ‘we’re screwed.’

“What happened?” Nico asked quietly, trying not to blush as Will mumbled something about shiny hair and started touching Nico’s bangs.

“He’s wasted, man,” Connor said solemnly, snatching an unopened beer from Will’s hand. “Half an hour before people even get here, and our lead singer’s absolutely shitfaced.”

Will grasped Nico’s hand and held it tightly, his eyes closed and his head thrown back. He smelled like puke.

“What are we gonna do?” Nico asked Connor, staring at his hand in Will’s.

Connor sighed and shook his head. “There’s nothing we can do but set up the stage and keep this one away from the Natty Light.” He took a napkin and started to dab at the stain on Will’s shirt. He looked over at Nico like a resigned parent. “The show must go on, I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will do my best to get the next bit out soon! Or at least in 2017!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! The next chapter should be up at some point -- I won't be following any sort of regular schedule, I'm sorryyyyy. If you're looking for more fic, follow me on tumblr at altessah.tumblr.com :)


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